It's MY Turn.

You know that song "I Feel Pretty" from West Side Story? I have my own revision for that song tonight. It goes a little something like this:

I feel bitchy, oh so bitchy......you get the idea.

No really, I do. It's definitely my turn to take the "Drama Queen" title and as stated in the rules and regulations of the book, I AM ENTITLED to take a turn.

Now I am fully aware that my partners in crime, aka: the other momadonnas, will read this and I am totally okay with that. They need to know that I feel this way every once in awhile and they will love me for it anyway and chalk it up to it being my time of the month, my Drama Queen week, not enough wine in my bloodstream, whatever they want to call it. The fact remains, tonight I feel BITCHY!

Can I just say that sometimes being Ringleader SUCKS! Sometimes I really hate having to plan everything. I hate having it all together. I hate that people expect me to have it all together. I hate having to feel like I must apologize for an untidy house. I hate feeling like I have to keep a clean house to live up to someones expectations (like maybe my father will pop in to say "hi" one day and and my house will be a mess and he will tell me he raised me better than that and I will freak out and feel like a failure of a daughter, mother and housewife). Wow, deep rooted issues warning-better call The Professional! Sometimes I hate having all the play dates at my house. I must admit that every once in awhile I feel totally completely used and abused. I don't want to be the person that people always want to be friends with. I don't like that some people think I have the perfect marriage because while it's pretty close, it's not 100% perfect and we do fight and I want to be able to tell people my lover-hunny-sexy buns can be a complete total ass sometimes (so can I, but this is about me and I'm not about to admit I can be a total bitchy nagging ass while I'm on my "me, me, me" rant!) I want to be the flake! I want to be the one that people expect will be late or forgetful. I don't want to be the one people call to help out because I always say yes. Wow, look at all those "I's", I'm feeling pretty selfish tonight aren't I?

I just want to sit in my self-imposed misery and drink a bottle (notice I didn't say glass...why lie?) of wine. So tonight, I will.

Tomorrow I will feel differently. Tomorrow I will enjoy that people look up to me and ask me for help because of my superior organizing, planning, cleaning, hosting, punctual, I-will-never-say-no, skills (and believe me, they are some pretty magnificent skills!) I will enjoy the fact that I do indeed like to have these get togethers at my house all the time because I know my daughter is safe which is a HUGE stress relief and hey---someone has to do it or we'd never drink any wine and I'd become a lonely "drinks a bottle a night by herself" kinda girl! I will be fine and things will all go back to the way they were intended to be. But tonight,

I WANT TO BE THE FLAKE!

Wow-great to get that off my surgically altered post child bearing, breast feeding chest. As a momadonna, I am privileged to be allowed to expose my feelings via this blog or directly into the path of another poor momadonna who happens to call to ask "How was your day?". I chose to take a less "in your face" route for fear one of them would hang up on me.

Us Momadonnas have it rough. We each struggle with all our own daily trials along with work issues, keeping the "bling bling" happy, not killing the minions, feeding the dog...you name it. I am so blessed to have found a group of women who can read this, know I am letting off steam, love me tomorrow and STILL tell me I am beautiful and they love me. They better...or I will have to cut wine rations...again!