You might be a Momadonna if.....

When you tell some one you are "on the same page" it means you are actually reading with your children this time.

You might be a Momadonna if….

You invite all your friends to an outdoor BBQ in the dead of winter.

You might be a Momadonna if....

You argue that dancing should replace baseball as our national pastime.

You might be a Momadonna if….

You say you “think out of the box” because you only drink wine that comes from bottles.

Scary Movie Night Update

Update:
Ringleader made it through the night with only minimal damage. Nothing that a few sessions with The Professional can't cure.

Bitch brought "The Stranger's" as her scary movie pick. She figured if she couldn't scare Ringleader with anything "devil" related, she'd scare her with something about being home alone, with three maniacs tormenting you and scaring the living daylights out of you until you get killed. It worked. Ringleader made her stay a little while until all the doors and windows were checked, and double checked.

Luckily, there were plenty of goodies to keep Ringleader's mouth busy long enough to prevent any real screaming, until the end, but she won't go on about that. Oh and she did stop breathing, but just for half the movie. :)

You might be a momadonna if...

Whenever you hear someone yell "Bitch" you look around and smile.

Momadonnas jokes

You might be a Momadonna if...

you think chocolate pie is something to play in.

Dancing with the LLs!

Now you know the moms love to dance and will use any excuse to do so, well last weekend was no exception. It all started when one of our LL’s (lovely ladies) said she had a bad day a week or two ago and suddenly there was no choice: we had to go DANCING! Dancing is the ultimate cure for about anything. You didn’t get that raise? You need to go dancing. Your accessory is giving you a hard time? You need to go dancing (probably without him). Your house is a mess? You need to go dancing. See it fixes everything!

Dancing, however, is not always as easy as it seems. There is so much more work involved in the process than you would think. For example, at clubs they don’t even start dancing until 10:30 – 11 PM whereas Momadonnas start at 10 AM. That’s a long time for a mom to wait to get her groove on. So we always show up way too early. Of course there are some benefits to showing up early - you can get a good table. This weekend it was the table that really mattered. I dare say we had the best people watching ever!

As you know you never want to be first on the dance floor. This is because those who are will either be crazy or very good dancers. The dancers at our club were definitely the crazy kind. Prior to describing our fellow dancers I would like point out this was not a theme night, there was no special dress code, it was just an average night at the club. We danced with or near the following:

• The Brittanys - larger ladies dressed as schoolgirls.
• Jell-O – named because when she did her dance routine (including half-splits) her thighs jiggled so. It was hypnotic and we couldn’t stop looking … honest we tried we really tried. Then there was the fact that Jell-O also had her shorts on inside out…we know because we saw the tag and she is a medium.
• • Chester the molester –this boy could not keep his hands off girls and was refused by 25 ladies before we lost count. Nothing could deter him, not even flashing a wedding ring in his face. Finally, we were forced to tell him “come on loosen up” is not a good pick up line. I sure hope he was listening!
• Tank girl – she was a very skinny young thing who had on a short dress, no make that a long tank top, no-no a short dress hmmm…. maybe a dress tank top? We couldn’t decide but it was very sparkly and we all had to look. So we started a poll with other dancers. The result was inconclusive but I’m leading toward a tank top used as a dress.
• Homie – he was dressed like a west coast thug in sunglasses (and no the dance floor was not that bright). He danced by himself all night but we didn’t mind, he seemed to be enjoying it.
• Spiderman – yep this one was in full costume fake muscles and all!

Ahhhh dancing, and people watching its all in a days work for a Momadonna.

Scary Movie Night

Bitch and Ringleader have a tradition every October, they have a scary movie night. They stay up late and when the kids are in bed and they are all ALONE (no accessories allowed in the house) they watch a scary, creepy, gory, gross, horror movie and freak each other out. Bitch freaks Ringleader out by just making her watch the movie and Ringleader scares Bitch by screaming really loudly when something particularly horrible occurs. Of course we won’t mention the times when Bitch jumps out from behind a wall to scare Ringleader or when during the most intense part of the movie she grabs Ringleader from behind. All and all it’s good scary fun. At this point you will notice the rest of us don’t volunteer to stay over that night. Not that we Moms haven’t had our share of sleepovers. We have been known –as adults- to stay up late giving each other pedicures and telling ghost stories. However, scary movie night is not the time for such frivolities.

This tradition started when Bitch was lonely on a night when Ringleader’s accessory just so happened to be out of town. So she came over and brought a movie to watch- A HORROR movie, Ringleader’s least favorite genre. This one in particular broke all the rules (which were to be established after this exact night). The rules are as follows:
1. No demons
2. No devils
3. No satan
4. No possession
5. No hell
6. No dammed…..are you sensing a theme?

Based on these guidelines: once a year, date predetermined (but always in the month of October because it is the month of Halloween after all) Bitch is allowed to pick out a horror movie of her choice. As Bitch seems to have no fear of her own, the movies are pretty scary such as Mirrors, Descent and others we don’t dare mention around Ringleader as she is still traumatized and is currently in counseling with The Professional. Since then a few other rules have been implemented:
1. Lots of food - Food is a must, preferably cheesecake in large pieces. Going through 5 boxes of random Weight Watches desserts just doesn't cut it.
2. Red wine - Something with a title like vampire wine works well.
3. Bitch must stay over until Ringleader feels safe enough to go to bed on her own.

What’s in store for this year? The cheesecake is on order and movies have been picked. Now all we have to do is make sure Punk and The Professional will have their phones turned off before Ringleaders inevitable midnight call.

BBQ with the Moms

Mom advice - Life gets busy don’t let it stop you.

Finding the time to get together can be difficult and there isn’t always a giant chocolate pie to jump into. So when you want to hang out with the moms you have to get organized. The Momadonnas are queens at being organized and always have a back up plan. We call it plan “B” as in Barbecue. That’s because plan “B” IS A BARBECUE. We figure you have to eat anyway so why not do it together….

And just what does a Momadonna Barbecue look like? There’s lots of laughing and lots of food. We will barbecue anything from Steak and lobster to pizza (Now that was an adventure! Just watch the crust to make sure it’s done). That said my favorite thing to watch them barbecue is Bling’s six-inch burger. Yes six inch, not the six-dollar burger that’s from Carl’s jr. and this burger does measure up to 6 inches when it’s fully loaded! However that is just too much burger for a camera to capture, so for the picture above we had to make it plain in order to fit.

Why a BBQ? Other than the food a barbecue is a great way to relax and be you. For example last week Bitch let out a burp that not only earned her a few high fives but a marriage proposal as well. Another reason to have a BBQ is because it’s outside. We love being outside. The atmosphere and the quiet are quite fulfilling. Not that it is really all that quiet, for we moms can be quite loud. Even the Minions benefit from being out doors. We moms appreciate them more when they are outside. That is probably because they are MUCH MUCH MUCH less noisy outside than when they are stuck in a 12x12 room with you! However, as always when you bring Minions into the equation, you have to set rules. Here are the rules of BBQ:
1. No tattling
2. No tattling
3. Hey! Knock it off and stop tattling!
Hmm they sound a bit like all our other rules don’t they.

Road Tripping with the Minions (AKA Children)

It’s that time of year again and in a last ditch effort to get the most out of the fading summer months the moms go Road Trippen. Last weekend alone, 3 of the 4 Momadonnas were out on the road having adventures.

As moms we feel it is our obligation to bring our children along (Who knows they may just learn something). This is also in our best interest, for as any modern - moving going mother knows, a child will throw a party and destroy your house if left alone for any period of time.

Taking a child on a road trip can be demanding and things have changed in the last few years. The whole process of taking a road trip has changed as well. If you have been 26 for over 10 years as I have, you’ll remember the good old days of road trips. The days before we had all these rules to follow. You know, back in the days when the only “car seats” we talked about were “bench” or “bucket”. Back then your parents would load up the car with trip essentials and then they would try and stuff the kids in-between boxes and bags (sometimes horizontally). You were lucky to find the seat and even luckier if you had a seat belt.

The modern road trip process is more sophisticated than it used to be. The children are more sophisticated too. They actually expect a seat in the car! They have learned not to ask “are we there yet?” Instead asking “how many miles until the next town?” or “How fast are you going?” (Honest, at 10 my daughter was asking both and she didn’t even realize it was a real life story problem so she didn’t complain about the math!) Although it’s possible the children may enjoy the trip, it’s still a good idea to have a back up plan. Here are a few suggestions from the Momadonnas:

• Duct tape – Just kidding I don’t even keep it in the car (I’m too afraid I would use it).
• Goody bag – just be careful where you stow it. I know of children who would sneak a snack when their mom was dozing (in the passenger seat!).
• Sing with the Stereo – Either the children will sing with you or cover their ears. The Greece soundtrack seems to work well for me but my Minion plugs her ears. Of course that could be just because I can’t hold a tune, for who does not just LOVE Greece?
• Ipod – This is very handy especially with earphones. We tried streaming netfix. Unfortunately, that did not work so well in the middle of nowhere without any reception. However you can download games and movies too. Just make sure not to place the ipod on the dashboard. I know of one mom who ran off the road because she got distracted watching “her little TV”.
• DVD player – bigger than an ipod but still as riveting this works well on children, however one last piece of advice DON’T let kids watch Disney’s “UP!” it has been known to cause Minions to yell squirrel every half-mile…

What can you learn from the Momadonnas?

I love being a Momadonna. When people ask why I do a Mom blog I answer because its fun, but now I find myself wondering why would anyone want to read the blog? Is it because we have something to offer other moms…OMG can people actually learn from our experiences? I think so. Therefore, I have compiled a list of what you can learn from the Momadonnas.

You can learn how to:
Experience life, to go out there and try things! (Momadonnas take the bull by the horns!)
Budget effectively. (How to have fun on $20 or less)
Show affection for your spouse - possibly with cake. (The Accessories)
Be the best you can be. A Mom is a superhero to someone. (Moms Unite!)
Appreciate diversity. (Comfort Foods)
How to make an appropriate dessert for any situation. (Short Pie)
Declare your own independence! (Declaration of wine dependence)
Let us strive to improve ourselves. (Vegas or BUST and Better Moms)
Let go of fear. (Carrots)
Don’t take yourself too seriously. (Locked Out)
Acknowledge your own self worth. (It’s MY Turn)
Making the most of any situation. (Civic Duty)
Try something new. (Beginnings)
How to have fun! (Everything we have written)

Back to School Party

The kids are back in school and now is the time for a back to school party! However, as you know, the Momadonnas do things a bit differently so this back to school party was for the moms. Yes that’s correct – THE MOMS. We moms love it when the Minions go back to school. It reduces our worries and adds some structure to our lives. So we decided that before the homework gets four feet deep and the children start a mutiny we ought to throw a party. Like on the Bounty, the Minions may mutiny when they compare the idyllic summer life to the harsh reality of school.

Invites were sent to all the mothers we could find explaining how it was good for moms to get to know each other, bond, and talk about the children behind their little backs. Presto! The back to school party was on. I will point out the moms were not the only ones at the party. We invited the minions too. We had to. It is important that they also enjoy going back to school and its not like we do much of anything without them anyway. Hmmm and maybe just maybe we didn’t want to pay for a baby sitter.

Ok, ok so its possible the party wasn’t quite the quick fix it sounds. There was a bit of work and research involved. For example, going to Familyfun.com to find out how to make crowns for our cup cakes. This proved harder than I thought and ours ended up looking a more like the leaning tower of Pisa but short, flat and bumpy. There was also some shopping to be done. Not that I’m complaining about having to do a little shopping. That would be very un-mom like and I did find the cutest little shoes on sale… ahhh shoes. Anyway we just had to have the perfect cups (bright colored plastic martini glasses) and mini magic wands (to mix our drinks with). When all the preparations were complete it was time to relax and reap the benefits of all that hard work.

The party was a success and even though we had to share our queen mom cupcakes and drinks with the Minions, we still had fun.

Momadonnas take the bull by the horns!

I would never have ridden the bull without the moms - watch out this just might be a serious story!

There are times in life when you look around you and smile at where life has taken you. I found myself in that situation last Saturday when I mounted a mechanical bull. I had always wanted to try one. I was sure I would be a good rider and I was! I lasted almost 2 seconds (they were very long for seconds). This is a new experience for me, both riding the bull and getting out there. In the past when an opportunity like this came up I may have talked about it but in the end I would always chicken out. This was true even if I was the only one there and no one was watching (or listening in the case of karaoke). This time it was different. I thought about the Momadonnas and how much fun we would have with our own mechanical bull. I asked my self “What if we could rent one of these for a party? Wouldn’t that drive the neighbors and the Minions crazy? Gosh shouldn’t I just test it to make sure it is fun….” Next thing you know I’m up (and back down – about as fast as you read this) but the point is I did it and with people watching!

Because of the Momadonnas I am always thinking about what we moms can do or accomplish. This is both for fun and sanity (you need a lot of help to stay sane these days). Experience is a great teacher and the moms and I have been through a lot.

So now I find myself pricing mechanical bull rentals. I can see it now a wild mechanical bull (with lots of soft mats) pulled up in a trailer in front of my house. All the neighbor kids watching and drooling as we moms (queens of our domain) concur the bull. Then we ride off into the sunset laughing…on our mechanical bull.

How to have fun on $20 or less - Mustaches

There is nothing sexier than Girls with mustaches. Anyone will tell you a little bit of facial hair on a female can go a long way…. The Momadonnas say mustaches in particular can make or break a party. Think about it without a mustache you cannot be one of the three amigos or hang with Groucho Marx! As Momadonnas we cannot grow our own (definitely CAN NOT grow our own – no matter what you say or see including any waxing – CAN NOT ok sorry back to the story) so we have to buy them. We would suggest the self-adhesive kind. A multi pack should work nicely. When it comes to mustaches we feel we have been particularly creative. Therefore, we are comfortable giving the masses a few of our fashion tips. First try multiple mustaches on one individual. You will be amazed at all the places you can put them. Another favorite of the moms is mustache eyebrows. By adding mustaches to your eyebrows (the darker and bushier the better) you can effectively accentuate your facial expressions. May we also suggest the unibrow? It makes quite an impression. The Momadonnas had so much fun with our mustaches we felt obligated to share this joy with the Accessories and Minions. The poor Minions were inspired at first, but soon we had them crying. Who knew that the adhesive would stick so well?

The Accessories

The poor Accessories they never get enough attention and have to put up with a lot to be with us. For those who have not read our definitions Accessories are our men and we love our men! I ask you, would we give them their own name (i.e. Accessories) if we did not adore them? Would we allow them to stand near us if we did not appreciate them and find value in them (value - like making us look soooo good when they are standing there at our sides)? No we wouldn’t. I want to reassure all of you that although we joke and tease them, we would never go without them (except on girls nights, holidays, parties, dancing, shopping, weekends, pedicures and the entire month of October) and I’m sure they find being with us worth the rewards. I will not go into details on the rewards – this is NOT that kind of blog!

As proof of our affection for the Accessories we offer last weekends surprise party. This party was held in honor of one of the Accessories and like all Momadonna parties it started with a mess. Of course I must add it was on purpose as everything we do always is. We started our party by sitting our accessory of choice down and displaying for him a sample of our cooking prowess. As Bitch held the cake up to him to admire he dutifully sniffed the cake – wait sniffed our cake! What the @#%? Bitch would not put up with that and with a smile on her face she promptly smooshed the cake into his. Most of the cake survived so later that night we still had a snack. However you will note we ate all around the edges of the cake while carefully avoiding the nose print in the middle.

For the Accessories entertainment we were kind enough to pull out the fire pit. As you know fire works well on Accessories. They are hypnotized by it and are known to sit next to it for hours. Well sitting isn’t exactly correct it is more like picking and prodding at it. We let them. For we feel it is good for the Accessories to think they have control over something. Then since this was a celebration we decided to give them a little lighter fluid in which to work with. They were in heaven right up until the point where we had to take the lighter fluid away. This was necessary due to the fact the fire was now as high as the second story windows of the house. We didn’t want the fire department over again (but that story is for another day)

All and all we had a lovely party for our accessory. We had our music, our dancing, our drinks, our food and we didn’t even have to cook it (other Accessories did that for us). Even when it rained we found a way to enjoy that too – think punk dancing. We had a good time I think the Accessories may have too….I forgot to ask them.

Moms Unite!

When life gets difficult and tragedy strikes the moms band together and unite!

We put on our capes and gather our crew
Next out come the wine glasses both old and new
Then we clink our glasses together and shout:
Wonder moms activate?

Nah that does not seem to work it doesn’t even rhyme. How about “there is no need to fear the Momadonnas are here!” OR “In brightest day in blackest night no children shall escape my sight!”

Being a mom is like being a superhero. Moms just don’t get credit for our super powers. (I dare anyone to say moms do not have super powers. You know we do. If you hesitate to believe me wait until I talk you into doing something you didn’t want to…then as you complete that task you “didn’t want to do” you will see the extent of a moms true power.) We know moms are superheroes and the Momadonnas would like to rectify this oversight. So we officially declare all moms should be given superhero status. You know anything we declare is now fact (if only in our own minds)! That said I think we are ready to try again.

When things look bad go to hell the Momadonnas will together yell:

“To all the sprinklers that break and spray,
and the all-bad drivers that get in our way.
To all our enemies both big and small,
from weeds and dogs to anything at all.
We give you fair warning these moms can fight.
For nothing can stop us when we unite!”

Go Mom Power!

Comfort Foods

The Momadonnas believe in comfort foods. Their healing powers go beyond that of science and straight to the heart. Sometimes you just need a little something to pick you up so we have been experimenting. The result is a good list of foods everyone needs when they are having a bad day. However, due to the fact that there are now so many kinds of comfort foods on our list that it takes three pages just to get past chocolate, we will endeavor to talk about only our top choice

Punk believes the top ranking comfort food should be all things deep fat fried with cheese on top. As for the rest of the group they believe wine is the ultimate comfort food. Wine is a good comfort food because it relaxes you and makes you happy. I have found that we are not the only females who feel this way. All women do. According to one analyst’s article I read: women are buying more than 6 out of every 10 wine bottles sold in this the United States. Of course the Momadonnas single handedly are buying 5 of those 6 so the study maybe bias.

They say you are what you drink (or something like that – just go with me here). So if what we drink reflects who we are then we are definitely wine. Start with the shape of the bottle. A wine bottle is not like a beer container, all round and compact. No that is not like us at all. A wine bottle has such soft lines and curves. Just like us. We have all kinds of lines and curves. Not necessarily in that order and we like to throw a few bumps and jags in when you least expect it. There is also the way you drink it. Sharing a bottle of wine with someone is so much more personal than just sitting down and ordering a few “drinks". Being with the Moms is like sharing a bottle. We have shared so much and become so close it has gone beyond just being personal. We are so close now that I can tell you what each member is doing at any point of time during the day and knowing that can be somewhat embarrassing (just think Bitch in the bathroom).

Wine is also a bit elite much like us. Yes, the way I see it the Momadonnas should be classified as a luxury good just like expensive wine is. It is all about the naughty, decadent feeling of enjoying a luxury good (I will describe anything with the words naughty and decadent whenever possible). We just enjoy ourselves way too much not to be considered a luxury. However, unlike wine, you can’t get the cork back in us after we get going. We know some have tried, all have failed. Another reason the Momadonns like wine is because of the flavor. We relish the complexities of all the different varietals. Our group is nothing if not complex and full of different varietals (or as we like to call our variety – distinctive personalities or quirks).

Wine is so popular that many famous personalities have written about it like Benjamin Franklin, William Shakespeare, and Karl Marx. I think Karl Marx summed it up best when he said: “Be careful to trust a person who does not like wine.” The Momadonnas are very careful and we are watching those of you who do not imbibe. We know what you are up to…. yes we do. You are stealing Punk’s deep fat fried food.

Now wine is not just a comfort food. Through studies it has also been proven to be good you over the long term. I am happy to report that wine may do all of the following:

1. Help preserve your memory.
2. ……….... I can’t remember the rest.

short pie

the Pie

coming soon

an explanation of this:

The Declaration of Wine Dependence

When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for moms to dissolve the worries of the day they shall band with one another and drink some wine.

We hold these truths to be self-evident: that (initially) all portions should be crated equal, That all wine should be consumed in the pursuit of Happiness, and that in the process of drinking each should imbibe at her own pace according to her own tastes and temperament. We understand that each wine is endowed by its creator with certain unalienable characteristics such as vintage and age. Therefore both whites and reds shall be consumed. – That to secure these characteristics Mom Rules are instituted among Momadonnas, deriving their just powers from themselves and not of the governed (i.e. minions and sometimes accessories). Momadonnas compassionately lay the foundation of these “Mom Rules”, as to them shall seem most likely to affect the minions safety and happiness.

Mom Rules

Prudence is encouraged. No minion should approach a Momadonna without careful evaluation of his or her request. Any request considered unnecessary or tattling will be ignored.

Accordingly all experience hath shown that mankind is more disposed to suffer, were the Momadonnas to go “with out”. Therefore upon request all Accessories should be willing to bring home pizza, cook steak and run to the store for more wine. A magnum or two should do.

We find while some evils are sufferable no glass should go empty. The Momadonnas declare that all glasses should be re-filled at anytime by anyone walking by with the expectation that the Momadonnas shall never go dry.

We, the Momadonnas, by our own Authority do solemnly publish and declare, that this Declaration of Wine Dependence stands for us, with us and sometimes against us.

Punk Hancock
Ringleader Hancock
Bitch Hancock
The Professional Hancock

Better Moms

As you know from the last few posts the Momadonnas are always trying to better themselves. Whither it is eating appropriately or running in the big race the result is the same: better MOMS! We know this is not necessary that we improve, for we are practically perfect as is, but we like to think there is always a challenge we can face. Momadonnas love to conquer challenges and bask in our glory – the victory dance is pretty good too.

There is, of course, one other reason… a dark hidden one. We need to stop the minions from taking over the world. The minions are 10 now and their plotting has increased in complexity with age. They now act and think independently of the moms. We are doing our best to hold them back and keep them babies, but they keep growing and maturing. Soon they will be independent taller versions of themselves. (The very idea of the minions getting taller is scary. For example how will we give them “the look”? As any mom knows it is not as effective giving “the look” when you are looking up at someone instead of down.) The Momadonnas know we will need to develop new skills to keep the minions under control. So we work on us. The more we do the more we learn and the better person we can become the better moms we will be. We know in the end the world will thank us… or if we don’t succeed and the Minions do take over the world then at least we will know we gave it our all.

VEGAS or BUST!

The Momadonnas are always looking for ways to sneak in a mini-vacay and what better place for glitz and glamour than VEGAS? The Ringleader figured out a way to go, even if it means running her butt off-literally, for reals. She is competing in Ragnar Las Vegas (a 198 mile relay race) in October! Yes-she's crazy, we tried telling her that but she only laughs and says "I know!"

Of course, she is enlisting in the cheer leading efforts of the other Momadonnas to help her with training and motivation and even keeping the minion's for her for a couple days. But, she is secretly planning a way for all the Momadonnas to go with her and cheer her on. She is even contemplating drawing up some matching shirts (pink of course) for them to wear to show their support! It's good to have Momadonna support. It means that you are never, ever doing something all on your own and there is always a mom whose got your back.

As you know (if you have read the book) Punk is not a good eater and since she is going on 26 for the 12th year now she really needs to start watching her diet. Therefore, Punk has a goal …well actually Bitch has a goal for her which is almost the same thing. She is going to learn to eat real people food, but where to start? It would have to be something healthy (because if it is not I guarantee she would already be eating it) and preferably a vegetable of some sort. Now Punk does not do vegetables. In fact she doesn’t even know the name of most vegetables. She just calls everything “green stuff” or “salad”. When ordering a meal at a restaurant she has been known to ask for her meal to be naked. Which means no vegetables to her and always seems to get a response from the waiter. So what could Bitch get her to eat? Why Carrots! They have the perfect texture all crunchy and sweet. Nothing soft or squishy about them! Momadonnas are not known to be a very squishy bunch. Carrots are also easy to come by and there is absolutely no chance Punk can say, “oh it was camouflaged in that salad” because of its bright orange color. SO it has started. Every time Punk sees a carrot she has to take a bite of one. Well maybe not in the grocery store….who wants to buy a carrot with a bite out of it? Any other time she will – it could be at a party when someone brings a platter of veggies or she can grab one out of a friend’s salad at a restaurant. Hmmm, a stranger’s salad may work well too. What good stories we will have then! So far she is up to three, yes three bites, but it’s a start. Maybe we should have a carrot count down to see how for she gets? No lets not have a count down it would take way too long. You see we’re on week two now and look at the progress (not much). So far the cheese fries seem to be winning…..

Locked Out

You know the old saying sh*@% (poop) happens? Well it happens to Momadonnas too. I know this comes as a surprise to most, but from time to time we have the most outrageous adventures without having to leave the back yard. Like the time we locked ourselves out of the house…oh you haven’t heard that one yet? Well then, let me tell you a little story.

Once upon a time there was a sliding glass door (lots of stories start that way don’t they?). This door just happened to be attached to Ringleader's House and the Momadonnas were sitting outside enjoying the atmosphere (as they tend to do on most sunny days). You know how when you are on vacation you put a board in the track of the sliding glass door to prevent it from being pried open? Well this sliding glass door just happened to have one of those boards. Ah, you see where this is going don’t you.... The moms never saw it coming. The poor little board didn't mean to cause any trouble. In fact it was discreetly tucked out of the way in the corner, leaning on the side of the door. This was right about the time Bitch closed the door. Yes you guessed it the board slipped and as the moms watched in horror their access to the house was denied them.

At first this was a pleasure, but then Ringleader found she needed to use the bathroom. Now you know how the Momadonnas love to dance…well this wasn’t one of those times. The Momadonnas told ourselves that we should not worry much (it could ruin our reputation), surely one of the Minions would come to our rescue. However, for once, they seemed to be getting along. Not a single one of them came out to tattle on each other or ask for a snack. We waited and waited and waited. Still no children to bother us! Here was a once in a lifetime event and we couldn’t even appreciate it! Finally when we could take it no longer Ringleader said “I guess we will have to get up and go in through the bedroom door - it is open” and we did. Of course within five minutes of this the minions came out asking for snacks.

Something New For You!

The Momadonnas like to drink things when we get together. This is no secret. The drink of choice is usually wine (which you know if you've read the book or this blog), but every once in awhile wine gets oh so boring and the Momadonnas must come together and invent something new and fun (and preferably pink, but that can be hard to do) to stimulate our imaginations. Punk decided we absolutely must share these amazing drink making talents of ours with you, our very special followers. So as a special treat to you, we shall begin to post our delish (and sometimes blech!) "Drink of the Week"!

Now, this isn't just for your pleasure because we Momadonnas mostly do things that benefit ourselves. Therefore, we are excited because this weekly blogging will force us to create a new drink every week! YAY for that!

We will use a wine rating. It shall go a little something like this:

Best drink EVER! We must drink more of this, now.


Yummy! That's pretty good, let's put this in the recipe book.

Hmmm, it's okay. Not to bad but not sure if I'd make it again.

Yeah, not so much.


WHAT WERE WE THINKING! Total waste of alcohol. Blech!

It's MY Turn.

You know that song "I Feel Pretty" from West Side Story? I have my own revision for that song tonight. It goes a little something like this:

I feel bitchy, oh so bitchy......you get the idea.

No really, I do. It's definitely my turn to take the "Drama Queen" title and as stated in the rules and regulations of the book, I AM ENTITLED to take a turn.

Now I am fully aware that my partners in crime, aka: the other momadonnas, will read this and I am totally okay with that. They need to know that I feel this way every once in awhile and they will love me for it anyway and chalk it up to it being my time of the month, my Drama Queen week, not enough wine in my bloodstream, whatever they want to call it. The fact remains, tonight I feel BITCHY!

Can I just say that sometimes being Ringleader SUCKS! Sometimes I really hate having to plan everything. I hate having it all together. I hate that people expect me to have it all together. I hate having to feel like I must apologize for an untidy house. I hate feeling like I have to keep a clean house to live up to someones expectations (like maybe my father will pop in to say "hi" one day and and my house will be a mess and he will tell me he raised me better than that and I will freak out and feel like a failure of a daughter, mother and housewife). Wow, deep rooted issues warning-better call The Professional! Sometimes I hate having all the play dates at my house. I must admit that every once in awhile I feel totally completely used and abused. I don't want to be the person that people always want to be friends with. I don't like that some people think I have the perfect marriage because while it's pretty close, it's not 100% perfect and we do fight and I want to be able to tell people my lover-hunny-sexy buns can be a complete total ass sometimes (so can I, but this is about me and I'm not about to admit I can be a total bitchy nagging ass while I'm on my "me, me, me" rant!) I want to be the flake! I want to be the one that people expect will be late or forgetful. I don't want to be the one people call to help out because I always say yes. Wow, look at all those "I's", I'm feeling pretty selfish tonight aren't I?

I just want to sit in my self-imposed misery and drink a bottle (notice I didn't say glass...why lie?) of wine. So tonight, I will.

Tomorrow I will feel differently. Tomorrow I will enjoy that people look up to me and ask me for help because of my superior organizing, planning, cleaning, hosting, punctual, I-will-never-say-no, skills (and believe me, they are some pretty magnificent skills!) I will enjoy the fact that I do indeed like to have these get togethers at my house all the time because I know my daughter is safe which is a HUGE stress relief and hey---someone has to do it or we'd never drink any wine and I'd become a lonely "drinks a bottle a night by herself" kinda girl! I will be fine and things will all go back to the way they were intended to be. But tonight,

I WANT TO BE THE FLAKE!

Wow-great to get that off my surgically altered post child bearing, breast feeding chest. As a momadonna, I am privileged to be allowed to expose my feelings via this blog or directly into the path of another poor momadonna who happens to call to ask "How was your day?". I chose to take a less "in your face" route for fear one of them would hang up on me.

Us Momadonnas have it rough. We each struggle with all our own daily trials along with work issues, keeping the "bling bling" happy, not killing the minions, feeding the dog...you name it. I am so blessed to have found a group of women who can read this, know I am letting off steam, love me tomorrow and STILL tell me I am beautiful and they love me. They better...or I will have to cut wine rations...again!

Civic Duty

The Momadonnas are very conscientious and always want to help out. So why is it that when we are called for Jury Duty we hope to “get out of it?” If it was shopping duty we would be the first in line…so what is it about Jury Duty we find so undesirable?

Jury Duty is actually a perfect environment for the Momadonnas. There is nothing half so pleasing as being surrounded by a room full of men, in suits, who all want to be your best friend. They love to impress you and will stand up every time you enter or leave a room. You even get your own man in uniform who is just dying to open a few doors for you (now only if the other men in our lives would remember to do that). You are the star of the show and everyone knows it. In fact as a member of the Jury everyone in the room is very interested and centered around you.

Its like a good date. You get lots of attention. The men take the time to listen to your background. They love to ask, “Where are you from? What do you do for a living?” Then after you have told them all about you they still want to ask a few more questions. You can rest assured that they will absorb everything you say. After that, if you are lucky enough to stay on for the trial, they will spend the rest of the day telling you interesting stories and feeding you lunch. All this without children! Now doesn’t that sound like a good day?

Momadonnas think all moms should definitely try a court day. How often do you get an excuse get dressed up? Hey its court - they don’t mind if you take yourself too seriously…I mean they do. I would suggest a slightly less wild outfit than Punks usual. Maybe something more like what The Professional would wear. That said Punk did manage to go to court in a shirt with a skull on it. You also never know whom you will meet. One mom friend of ours was invited to go out boating after the trial (and yes we all asked how big the boat was…not big enough). Finally, if your still unconvinced let me tell you everyone has to listen to you. It’s true, in that jury room when you are deliberating they have to listen to you. Especially in cases where the decision has to be unanimous and everyone must agree beyond a reasonable doubt. If they don’t listen to, or acknowledge, your concerns then they will be stuck in that little room all day.

Besides who else is more qualified than a mom for a jury? We are used to making tough decisions. We get lots of practice between the minions and the accessories. We also have a keen since as to what is right…. Moms are right and don’t you forget it.

Happy Mothers Day!

Roses are Red. Violets are Blue.
To all the dear Mommy's here's a poem for you.............

Mom you are a shining star through the wold doesn't know your name.
You have no fancy title like Baroness or Dame.
Mom you really are a star, my mother, mentor, and friend.
A Nobel Prize for motherhood is what I'd recommend.
And if I won the lottery I'd share my win with you
I'd take you Mom on a spending spree each day the whole year through!
You may not be famous, as your face is known to few.
But Mom I think you are wonderful and I'm so proud of you!