Multiple Personalities

Sometimes the person you think you are is NOT what other people see, or maybe it’s just your photo ID?

One morning last week The Professional called Punk with an interesting story. She had been buying groceries (what kind of groceries she bought is NOT the interesting part although in certain parts of the country it could be) and when The Professional went to pay for said groceries the cashier asked for her credit card and ID. After careful review, the cashier proceeded to tell The Professional that the ID and credit card did not match. Well, The Professional is used to this and has had similar questions before due to her last name being hyphenated (yes, she has one of those names…she is The Professional after all). She carefully explained her name situation to the cashier who just looked at her blankly. The more The Professional explained, the more daunting the cashiers look became. Finally, he said “NO the names do not match” and handed the ID and credit card back to The Professional. Looking at both closely she found she had to agree with him for smiling up at her was PUNK.
She had Punks ID.
Punk, listening to this story, stopped and checked her wallet. Sure enough, she had The Professional’s ID! How had this happened? Rewind to the prior weekend. The girls had gone dancing at a “21 and older” club, so the club hostess had checked their ID’s (which is considered a complement to anyone who has been 26 for over 10 years as ALL of the Momadonnas have). The hostess must have handed the girls back the wrong IDs! Not that it is entirely the Clubs fault, for both Punk and The Professional had ample time to notice this discrepancy as they moved their ID into their wallets and purses over the next few days. Who knows how long they would have had gone on being each other if the cashier had not checked! The girls consider themselves very lucky because with the way The Professional gets speeding tickets, it’s a good bet they would have found out about the ID switch in a BAD way!

Texting Tribulation

Momadonnas are very busy. We are always running around in 12 different directions, so keeping in touch can be difficult. We find texting helps. However, as Bitch learned, if not used properly, texting can also cause problems.

Bitch, in addition to texting the Momadonnas, loves to text her Accessory. One day she decided to text him one of those private texts. You know the ones – the ones that make you lift your eyebrow and say "naughty, naughty," while wagging your index finger back and forth. Anyway, Bitch felt she had composed a rather nice little text sure to make anyone blush and sent it off to her Accessory. She just knew he would enjoy it. Unfortunately, he didn't respond. She waited and waited, still nothing! So she called him “Hey, didn’t you like my text?” and his reply “What text?”

OH NO!

Bitch pulled up her phones history and found she had not sent the text to her Accessory… Dum Dum Dum (that’s the dreaded drum roll). She had sent it instead to The Professional!

Now imagine The Professional’s surprise as she read the extent of Bitches feelings for her. I’m sure she was very flattered that Bitch cared for her that much and was ready to let her down gently when Bitch called. Because of course Bitch did call. You see Bitch knew that being The Professional entitles you to some respectability, so she felt a little embarrassed (but not as embarrassed as she would have been if she had sent that photo…). Yes, Bitch called and apologized. The Professional, being rather relieved, graciously accepted. The other girls? Now what they did with this information is a different story all together.

Poor Bitch. For weeks on end she was sent naughty texts and not quite respectable photos from the other Momadonnas. Of course we thought we were very helpful and we have noticed Bitch definitely double checks her texts before she sends them now!

Helping Moms

Some moms find it easy to ask for help. Others hesitate because they don’t want to be a burden. Still other moms will hold out until they have a whopper of a favor to ask for. Then there are the moms who don’t even know they need the help.

How can you help a friend who doesn’t know she needs the help? Well you’ve come to the right place! Momadonnas love to help the unknowing and here are a few ideas that we are willing to share:

Feed their pets........

Help them pack (especially when it’s a tropical vacation).......
Cheer them on.......
Take care of their children (well, try to)......

Momadonna Makeover

Whenever the moms get together something happens and it’s always a surprise, especially to us. Just the other day we had a birthday party for Bitch’s Accessory. You remember the one, he didn’t like being 37? This was doubly true when Bitch was done with him. She would tell everyone including strangers: “This is my boyfriend. He is 5 years older than me. He is 37.” Well, for his birthday we were going out. So the Momadonnas decided to get together and finalize their action plan for the evening.

Upon reaching Ringleaders house, Bitch declared, “I’m taking a shower.” Now this isn’t something you would hear everyday, but it happens to be common when Bitch is involved, so Ringleader handed her a towel as Bitch was busy explaining how she was saving time by taking a shower AT Ringleaders house. So Bitch took a shower right then and there. When she was all clean and shiny she came out to the kitchen and pulled out what can only be described as a bag of magic. It was full of mom toys and infinite possibilities (ok it was full of makeup).

Slowly she pulled out her supplies and stacked them on the counter. Picture the grand Thanksgiving feast your grandma used to make but with makeup instead of food spread across the table. As far as the eye can see were shades of reds, blues, browns and greens. The other moms took turns oohing and ahhing as Bitch worked her magic. Then suddenly Bitch looked up from her own prepping and said, “Want me to do you up?”

As you know, no one can say no to Bitch, so before you could blink she had Punk and Ringleader sitting down getting re-vamped. This not only included make up – oh no! There was eyebrow plucking and wine as well. Thinking back it may have been the wine that started it and not really Bitch at all. After Bitch poked and prodded the other moms for an hour, they were deemed presentable and therefore ready for the party. Nothing like a new look to give you attitude! The Accessories didn’t even mind…of course they don’t notice either.

New Year 2011

The Momadonnas decided to have a quiet and relaxing New Year Celebration for 2011….We failed.

The plan was to stay home, relax, eat hors d’oeuvres, and watch a movie. The Professional won (well maybe lost) the coin toss; so we converged on her house New Years Eve. The party started mellow enough with the Minions locked in the basement and the adults snacking in the kitchen. Then the ipods came out (as they ALWAYS do). From that point forward our plans went straight out the window. The kitchen was converted into a dance club and the real festivities began. However, we forgot the kitchen was also where the hors d’oeuvres were baking and soon we were all hot (well… we were already “hot” but this time it was physically not just mentally). Luckily, Ringleader had the idea of opening the back door. As cool air washed in, the dancing migrated to the back porch. This must have made an impression on the neighbors because suddenly a loud “woo hoo” filled the air. There was mass hysteria as bodies dove through the door into the house. Then as the initial shock wore off, The Momadonnas (never ones to let their fans down) migrated back towards the door. There was some discussion about showing the neighbors the Accessory’s “moon” and if it weren’t for the fly swatter incident and The Professional’s desire to maintain a little respectability, we may very well have.

Oh, so you want to know about the fly swatter? Too bad. There are some things that don’t ever need to be in print. Lets just say that it does make a rather loud slapping sound when it hits your rear….

The end result is we all made it to midnight, well maybe 11:15, but we did wake up enough to toast in the new year!