What is it with girls and the color pink?

What is it with girls and the color pink?
Hello Pink Ladies....The question is not why girls like the color pink. No its not. The question you should be asking is does the color pink look good on girls? We know it does and that is why we like it. For some, like our Ringleader, it means whole outfits centered on pink tones. For others like Punk it means a few accents in pink (The little skulls on her shoes will be pink). We know the color pink is not for every female. Bitch says she does not like it, but we all know she is in denial. Her favorite sweatshirt one year was pink and brown…. mostly pink. As any girl can tell you mixing pink with other colors works well. The Professional has proven this. She has a shirt that has a splash of pink along with other similar jewel tones swirling in the shape of a rose. We love that shirt and it does look sooo good on her (and it is tight...). We can definitely add The Professional to the list of those who look good in pink. There may be a scientific answer about why girls like pink. The answer maybe based on gender bias etc. but the bottom line is: if you look good in a color you are bound to tell people you like it.

Beginnings....

To blog or not to blog

It all started with a book. Not just any old book but a limited edition, award winning, book. Now when I say limited edition I mean extremely limited. This book was printed for an exclusive audience of four. However, due to its critical acclaim and multiple awards, the book found its way to our friends and families. (Did I mention that the awards were fictional and that I made them up myself?) The response was overwhelming, and out of that chaos came some good advise. Start a blog. Well here we are - Thank you Sarah!

STOP – Maybe that was not the beginning. The Momadonnas started much earlier than that. The book was just the culmination of our efforts thus far (don’t worry we are always adding more). The real beginning for us was motherhood. Something about having children changes everything. We were lucky. Although we didn’t know each other yet, we were able to coordinate not only the births of our first child (to within a one-year period), but also their sex. We each had a daughter. The girls are all the same age. They are all in the same grade at school. They even had the same kindergarten teacher. Of course, back then we had no idea what they had lead us into. Ahh kids, if we would have known then what we know now… well we still would have done it the same wouldn’t we.

Finding friends is easy when you think about it, but in reality it is much harder. We each walked in and out of each other’s lives multiple times before we really figured it out. As the 9 year olds say “it took like forever” (At 9 forever is anything over 1 hour.) Thank goodness we survived those trying times, and what got us through these difficulties, distinctive personalities and wine did.

Our Ringleader and Bitch were the funniest. They met for the second time in Kindergarten (yep second time – and no this kindergarten is the one their kids went to not the one they themselves did. Pretend they are all grown up now). When they ran into each other at the school they both stopped dead in their tracks. I’m sure it was a sight to see. Mouths ajar and eyes twitching they gave each other a thorough stair down. Most people would find this uncomfortable but being true Momadonnas to the core, they didn’t mind one bit. You see we Momadonnas do so love attention…in fact I think you should be staring at us right now. Hmmm I know I have a picture here someplace. Anyway, soon one or the other said “I know you” and it turns out they were right, they did. Not only did they know each other but they had hung out together all summer long when they were like 14 or something. As if the fifteen years between had never passed they fell right back into step.

What this has taught us is once you become friends with someone it will come back to haunt you. Ok it’s also a good way to make friends. Not only does it give you a foundation to build on, but any trouble you caused back in the day will give you something to talk about now. With our girls that was a lot of talking!

The next permanent member of the Momadonnas came about six months later. It was the Professional. She taught us another way to make friends… a common interest. In this case it was wine. Wine is indeed the common denominator. In the Momadonnas Declaration of Wine Dependence we say: in wine all things are equal (or will be after a few glasses). The impressive part about when The Professional met the Momadonnas is that it was at the Kindergarten’s graduation party and no wine was present. The girls were just chatting when wine tasting came up. I am very grateful it did. It goes to prove that sometimes a small peaceful little conversation will lead you to something more. Something bigger. Their conversation led them to a dinner date (with wine) and that in turn led to a lifetime friendship.

Finally after several close encounters Punk joined the Momadonnas on Halloween. I could not have asked for a better day for her induction. Halloween suits her perfectly. She was out trick or treating with the minions when she ran into another mother doing the same. What she did not know is this other mother was Bitch. Bitch noticing the minions knew each other decided to size the opportunity and asked Punk to join her in the festivities. This suited the minions just fine. They figured this would give them an opportunity to finalize their diabolical plans to rule the world. The girls ALL enjoyed the evening and next thing you know they were all hanging out all the time. Thus the Momadonnas were born!

Yeah-We Got The Beat!

The Professional's accessory had his big 4-0 birthday on Saturday and she threw him an awesome all-night birthday bash at a condo in Park City. None of us really made it up all night but we tried and didn't go to bed until 3:30 baby! That is like seriously late for us. The night was filled with drinking wine, lots of wine (too much wine for the Ringleader who is still trying to get her liver to function properly) and oh the food! There was A LOT of food. Of course, there was dancing. In particular, dancing to Zumba music because the Ringleader insists that it is the best dancing music and just so happens to bring her play list to each and every occasion. When everyone got sick of hearing that music...we went outside and danced in the cold. So what? We don't care. We wanted to dance and they can kiss our....well anyway. There was a Rock Band competition and The Professional proved she is particularly spectacular at anything by Bon Jovi. She can ROCK IT! There was a hot tub. Oh yes, the hot tub. We started the hot tub sitting at about 1:00 AM. We did not fear the neighbors as we blared our zumba music till the wee hours of early am. Then in the morning, The Professional and her accessory wowed us with a huge breakfast of croissants, tons of fresh fruit and whip creme, eggs (cooked to order by above mentioned accessory) and sausage. The Ringleader had Vitamin water and, well that was it (too much wine remember?) It was a totally crazy fun night proving that even though we are getting older (26 now!) we still got the beat and can party with the babies.

PS-Pictures to come!

Random Musings of the Week

The Ringleader was out of sorts last week. She doesn't know why, but man was she grouchy and unfortunately when the Ringleader is grouchy, she lets everyone in the group know about it! So Bitch decided that she was going to make The Ringleader get out of her funk, and she did. Bitch took Ringleader out to lunch and got her loaded on lemon cookies. Then they went shopping, which is always a sure fire way to bring out some good spirit. The following day Bitch forced (literally, as in practically dragged The Ringleader by the arm) her to go grocery shopping. You should have seen how fast the two got THAT job done. It was amazing and definitely set a new world record somewhere - moms around the world would be jealous. Bitch then picked up her minion and headed over to The Ringleader's where she proceeded (ready, are you sitting?) to CLEAN The Ringleader's kitchen. WOAH! Unexpected and completely appreciated. And then, ahhhhh, the wine came out. Of course any de-funkifying therapy session must include wine. It's in the rule book. Look it up if you don't believe me. The Ringleader cooked up dinner and fed the minions and her accessory-she prefers bling- (who was happily partaking of the wine and dinner by the way). The Ringleader decided that since it was snowing, it must be hot tub time! (No, the fact that she had several glasses of wine did not influence this decision at all, for reals.) This is where it gets good. I want you to picture Bitch and The Ringleader in their tinsy swimmy suits trekking through the snow in slippers, down a very slippery hill, to climb over the hot tub to enter (as steps have yet to be built for access to the pool-of-fun). The Ringleader did not want to have to get out to refill the wine goblets, so she filled them to the top before they went out. A very strategic tactic let me just tell you. Well, Bitch slipped. It was the most graceful slip known to mankind. As she landed on her practically bare booty, she tried oh-so-hard to keep the wine from spilling but alas, out sprayed the wine. The RED wine spilled in a "someone just got murdered blood spray" out over the clean white snow. There was Bitch, on the snow, with blood red wine all around her and The Ringleader screaming "Accessory, accessory, hurry come here and bring more wine!" Imagine what the accessory thought as he saw Bitch and the wine. Ohhhh the joys of life! What lies in store for next week?

Disclaimer: No wine was actually harmed in the duration of the evening. A booty perhaps, but no wine and thanks to Punk's awesome stainless steel wine goblets she gave The Ringleader, no goblets were harmed either. :)

Who are the Momadonnas?

We are always right, never wrong, beautiful, inspirational, sexy, intelligent, sincere, important and as you can see very modest/humble women.

Here is the story behind the group formerly known as the Momtourage, which from here on out will be called the Momadonnas. There were some licensing issues with the tourage as well as the fact that an accessory came up with it. For those that don’t know, an accessory is any man who is brave enough to be seen with the Momadonnas. (They just look so good at our sides that we often keep them there as part of our outfit.) Not that we have anything against men in general and the one who came up with the idea has no problem being one of the girls; especially if the ratio is at least four females to one male and the skimpier the clothes the better. However, Momadonnas is a perfect name for us and yes an accessory helped us with this name too (what can I say men just can’t get us out of their heads). We are the prima donnas of the mom world hence MOMadonnas.

The MOM part of MOMadonnas is the reason you will keep reading. We are real life moms and this blog represents our real life adventures (hmm maybe slightly exaggerated but true none the
less). So should I say it a few more times? Why yes, yes I should: “Momadonnas, Momadonnas, Momadonnas” because we are that important. Each member has been carefully screened to make sure she is “Practically Perfect in Every Way.” Yes this is a quote from Mary Poppins but she is not a member of our group. This is because in addition to her not being an actual mom she would definitely get on our nerves after a few hours of her endless singing in tune. We Momadonnas can sing but it’s usually as a group and therefore a little off tune. Of course the fact that Mary Poppins is a fictional person would make it difficult as well. The real Mothers who make up the Momadonnas are best defined by their actions -oh and of course their nicknames.

Now you may ask why a nick name and how important can a nickname be? Very important! With just one word you will know everything you need to know about that person. Without nicknames I as an author would have to give you a long drawn out story about each of us from birth to age 26 (As a rule we never get older than 26 – me I’ve been 26 for just over 10 years now). Honestly, I just don’t have time for that. Luckily each mom upon entering our world of Momlyness has been given a nickname. So we can move on. However, before I do, I would like to point out that we moms did not get to pick out our own nicknames (I know I tried, but it just didn’t stick. That said if you want to call me Captain Hot Chick please don’t let this stop you). Having the group choose your nickname is both good and bad because once you have a nickname it takes on a life of its own…. and no one knows where it will take you.

Let me officially introduces us: The Ringleader, Bitch, The Professional and Punk. No, these are not our real names, although we will answer to them (that is not always a good thing… think of poor Bitch)

The Ringleader

The Ringleader

The Ringleader - now doesn’t this sound like a good place to start. It sounds so catchy unless you are the Ringleader then it almost sounds like work. Our Ringleader was named thus by someone outside the group. Someone who very much wanted in…but if there weren’t those who wanted in why bother having a club? Of course we can thank this wannabe for helping us realize that we are a club or maybe I should say a gang. Yes a gang of moms who will gun down anyone not in a pink bandana who enters our territory. No, we are not like that at all. We are, and always have been, a very desirable group of women. We can’t blame anyone for wanting to be with us.

Having a Ringleader is a fundamental part of any group because, among other reasons, someone has to be the organizer. How else will you know when to get the moms together? When is it warm enough for a barbeque? When the kids been apart too long? Is it time for a play date? Who is bringing the wine and how many bottles should there be? This is all part of the Ringleaders duties. That said the Ringleader’s first priority and primary duty is always: to help the rest of the group get together and have fun. When a party is planned she will help get the ball rolling often volunteering her own home, the food, the entertainment, and her first born all order to get things off on the right foot.

It is difficult to become a Ringleader. First, you have to be of high social standing. Not a queen or a duchess (although it does help) but someone who understands the finer aspects of the social graces. Our particular Ringleader is the only person I know who will send out thank you cards to the children who attended her child’s birthday party. The Ringleader can combine mom groups as easily as she can laugh. Speaking of laughing an additional quality all Ringleaders should have is a good laugh and a great smile. Which is not hard if you’re also good looking and, of course, the Momadonna Ringleader is. The Momadonnas figure if you are not good looking why would anyone want you to lead them? These qualities also help when you are in charge of adding new recruits to the group. As you may have guessed a Ringleader has to be able to attract the right kind of people …we don’t want just anyone. Then comes the hard part. We have to try and keep them. Our Ringleader has the rare talent of making everyone feel special. Whether this is due to her superb memory or gracious smile we may never know but somehow she seems to put it all together into one essential package.

If someone asks the Ringleader for assistance they can rest assured she will give her all for the group. So you ask, what about her? What does she get out of this? Well it’s not all glamour and parties. There are no roses. Not even a trophy (although there was a tiara once) and there is a cost for all this perfection. Our particular Ringleader is a clean freak. Yes, its true, and whether its because of a particular genetic trait or due to the volume of people in and out of her life, she feels she must keep everything at home in order. In fact, sometimes she will put the other Moms homes in order too. She has been known to clean walls, ceilings and stairs before a party and will not go to bed until the dishes are done! When does she have time for all this you ask? At night? No not even at night. It turns out Ringleaders do not sleep. Its true and we have carefully watched our own particular Ringleader to verify this. There is no time for sleep in her life. In addition we have also found the Momadonnas Ringleader likes vampire books. Do you think this is a coincidence? We have often wondered and although we decided it probably is, the group suddenly seems to be very into wearing scarves.

Everyone appreciates a Ringleader. Ringleaders are especial adept at breaking down the walls between people and putting them at ease. This is especially beneficial for those who do not feel comfortable in a group. The bottom line is a good Ringleader can make everything feel right, but she can’t do it all alone. That’s why you always need the bitch.

Bitch

Bitch

The Bitch! Every group has one and I have noticed that it is with honor these women bear the title. In fact Bitch is the only nickname you can give yourself without anyone arguing about it. If you proclaim yourself BITCH (and yes this proclamation is always done in ALL CAPS) you have earned the title. The Bitch is a well-respected essential part of any group, gathering, or family reunion. Without the Bitch conversations would halt and people would not know what to do. The Bitch is single handedly responsible for putting the group back on track should they stray. Also a good Bitch like ours will step in should a member of the group become frozen and indecisive with a bad case of shyness (there is no medical cure for shyness although the shot is being tested on small animals in China).

Being a Bitch is not easy there are a few “musts” in order to be the Bitch. First and foremost you “must” be hot. Cute will just not work. Without some degree of hotness all else will fail. If you are not hot, people will not take you seriously when you tell them what to do. It is a scientific fact that if you look good or have high heel boots on people will listen. There is also a direct correlation between the shape and size of a boot’s heel and the listener’s response time - The pointier and taller the heel of the boots the better chance others will listen. (I will also suggest the pointier the heel of the boot the further away from you they will stand especially if you are visibly mad.)

“Must” number two: No Hesitation! When you are right, which is all of the time, as Bitch it is your responsibility to let the others know. Those around you can not for one moment get distracted because if they do… As Bitch you have to tell them immediately and sometimes forcefully in order for progress to be made.

“Must” number three: Volume is equally important. Volume is essential. For if no one can hear you then your keen sense of humor and good advice is lost. I find most Bitches have very good lungs. In fact the Momadaonnas Bitch is so talented she can call the children back from across a football field -lengthwise. The volume she produces insures that not only will her voice be heard but it will also penetrate and as we all know penetration is key. (tee-hee I said penetration. Does anyone else think this is funny?) A Bitch knows the power her voice holds. Rest assured most Bitches will not abuse that power. Our Bitch will kindly warn those around her to plug their ears before she starts to bellow. Please note being bitchy is not the same as being “A Bitch.” If someone is being bitchy they are in a bad mood possibly complaining or even in a worst-case scenario being a bit spiteful. The Bitch is not that! She is just very well organized in the “here is my opinion” area (aka headstrong). Of course being bitchy does have its uses and we in Momadonnas consider it an essential skill and practice being bitchy all the time.

The Professional

The Professional

The Professional like any group who would like to be taken seriously The Momadonnas have added The Professional. Our The Professional’s nickname is based off of the 1994 movie of the same name and like that professional ours is an assassin who can kill you with a look. Ok, well maybe not all of you, but definitely a few men especially if she is single like ours is. Think Posh Spice from the spice girls. She is a well-dressed, good-looking, multi-faceted woman who knows when to add a few dashes (see – and – above) in order to make a good impression. The Group’s The Professional is an actual a professional. It’s true, she doesn’t just look the part she is well educated with an office and everything! Just the kind of person you need in your group to lend credibility and keep the group looking respectable. This brings us to the point. The Professional’s job IS to make the group look respectable. Not that we are in any way respectable. We would never go for that. However, we have found that at times it does come in handy to LOOK respectable. When you are able to pull off the whole “respectable” thing you may find you can get away with a lot more. Once we were even able to sneak Momasotas (Our own pet name for Mimosas but just for us moms…)into a “dry” spa while we had mud raps done. I can tell you we must have looked very respectable to get away with that! Well its either that or four muddy women are just too scary to say no to.

You will notice the name is always THE Professional. You have to add the THE. Yes it is mandatory. It also totally makes the name. Try it. Go ahead. For example say, “oh hey my friend professional said….” As you can see it just doesn’t have the right vibe. Now try “THE Professional warned me about this..…” Oh yes, you get that little shiver down your back now don’t you. Having added a THE makes it more serious and maybe (depending on your mood) dangerous! We Momadonnas do love a bit of danger especially with a side of cheese fries. If you didn’t feel the chill rest assured that with a name like THE Professional you will always have at least some attitude on your side. The Momadonnas find attitude works better in most situations anyway. Being The Professional is not all danger and adventure. Our The Professional is also the group’s skilled orator. As you know all groups need a member to represent their communication skills. The Professional’s responsibilities include this function as well. As a group, however, we have noticed our The Professional is mostly responsible for telling us we have A.D.D. In fact, she is often required to ask us to finish our original story before we distract each by commenting on one of our passing fancies. Think of a conversation with a four year old. Here is an example of one of our conversations: “For the party tonight you will need to bring, oh look at the bird isn’t it big, did you talk to Diane today?” This goes on for some time. Someone has to rein us in. The Professional is perfect for these instances. That said there are also times when we do get serious. When this happens we may need to sit down and talk. The Professional has added this to her duties. She cannot only comfort anyone but she will do so with a straight face. That can’t be easy! In fact the Momadonnas decided, as a prerequisite to becoming “The Professional” in any group, that applicant has to take a class on pretending to pay attention to outrageous stories. Another class would be “How to listen without rolling your eyes 101”. Now eye rolling is a useful skill that all members of the Group have cultivated, but we agree with The Professional and try not to do it too often. In fact, we have delegated this responsibility to the minions (our kids). It is just their kind of job.

PUNK

PUNK

I have noticed a lot of groups have a shy one. The Momadonnas are no exception. We have Punk. She is the one who sits there, oh so quietly, and just listens. It makes you wonder what she is thinking. That thought is usually followed by "will she use it against me later and how embarrassed will I be?" Of course it could be that she is thinking “ah now when I speak up they will have to listen” but I don’t think so. More likely she is just warming up. She takes a while to get to her “comfort level.” Unfortunately, she does not come with a thermometer so you won’t be expecting it when she does reach that “level”. Then watch out! She will pop out with some smart aleck remark that will shock everyone to the quick. However, much like a lava cake(what you think we would compare ourselves to something other than food?) the lumpy chocolate cake that you pull it out of the oven is not all there is to the dessert. Once you cut into her (still using the cake metaphor no real knives involved) you will see she is chock full of chocolate…or you can just say, “she is full of it”. That seems to works too. Oh and once she gets talking step back. She just keeps going and going and going- does anyone know where the earplugs are? She has become the babbler. She definitely can be quite a talker when she is warmed up and down right obnoxious when she is feeling hot.

Punk was one of the members who were not excited about their nicknames at first. She wanted to be The Instigator but since she never really provokes, or incites others into some action (she is more of a Suggester than an instigator) the group had to come up with something different. The Professional had the same problem. She points out that there are expectations attached to a name like “The Professional.” When you are with the group the last thing you have time for is expectations. Weeeelllll maybe we have time for a few expectations- just so we have something to break later. Nothing feels as good in the morning as breaking someone’s expectations. Out of love of our girls we did try several alternate nicknames including cougar and MILF. None seemed quite right which resulted in many debates usually involving our drawing stick pictures of each other in various poses and fingers in the air. This is scary but true. The end result is the girl’s nicknames Punk and The Professional remain the same.

Talking about Punk she is also the group’s Snappy Dresser. That is if you consider a wide variety of looks snappy. She doesn’t seem to have a style. Instead she has multiple styles. (So far no one has noticed the multiple personalities that usually go along with these things!) For example sometimes she takes the name Punk too seriously and dresses like an 80’s punk rocker chains and all. The next day she may look like a businesswomen and the following day as someone from the 50’s. Oscillating between looks she can shop with both The Momadonnas and the minions (children) when looking for clothes. So when you see her coming you will either think she is one of the minions or a grown up with lots of “personality.” You know “personality” the kind you always find in quotation marks. Also known as a geek, nerd or eccentric in some places. She seems to like it and it is true that she can talk comic book/Star Wars with the best of them…