Momadonna Car Wash

What does a Momadonna do when she runs out of wine? Scream, cry, run around the neighborhood yelling the sky is falling the sky is falling…well sometimes, but other times the moms, being woman of action, find a creative way to get their hands on more wine. This is the story of one of those times.

Driving around the city you see many sites, but if you are with an Accessory, you will definitely have any and all bikini car washes pointed out to you. Punk, not to be out done by girls ½ her age*, decided she could do just as well raising money for her cause – Momadonna’s Play time. So she decided to have her own fundraiser. However, because these are Momadonnas we are talking about, it was not funds they were working for, OH NO not at all- it was wine.

So Punk made flyers and invited everyone to her Wine-raiser…

Then the Moms took a clue from the other car washes and created signs to wave this one said" “Car Wash -will work for wine”

Finally they actually washed cars - Momadonna style wine in hand ready to go!
The end result was a good five hours of fun before the Accessories came and dragged the Momadonnas back to their respective houses.** The Moms earned just enough wine to drink together that night, which as we all know was the real reason they were doing this anyway.  All and all a successful day for the Momadonnas.

*Punks age -26ish, really 26ish and she has been for over 14 years now….
** 5 hours = 1/2 hour to clean two cars and another 4 ½+ for the moms to socialize.

Momadonna Lip Balm prints in the Sand

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Momadonnas at my side.

Many scenes from our motherly adventures flashed across the sky.

In each scene I noticed a mom with me. Sometimes there was one mom, other times there were two. Sometimes all the moms were together, but there was always a Momadonna with me.

So I said to the Momadonnas, "Why do you walk with me always? Through the most trying periods of my life as well as the fun and relaxing ones?"

The Momadonnas smiled at me and replied, "Why, because that's what friends do."

4th of July

What would the 4th be without the Momadonnas having a BBQ and the Accessories blowing up mail boxes?

It would be boring, yes definitely boring. So we HAD to have a BBQ and yes the boys did indeed blow up mail boxes!*

The BBQ went splendidly with the moms all sitting around chatting about the day while relaxing in the great out doors (aka Punks back yard). The food was prepared, cooked, and magically appeared before us and our only job was to pretend to be dessert. 

After we ate and talked until we were satiated, then we began the hard part - finding a good place to sit and watch the fireworks. Now no firework extravaganza is complete without sparklers so we started with those. Unfortunately as everyone remembers sparklers are scary and someone always gets burned. So to encourage the Minions to get into the sparklers and put on a show for us, the moms had Punk start sparking. Specifically they had Punk write her name in the dark and jump around enthusiastically until all the kids found themselves participating except the 16 year old. It turns out Teenage Minions are too cool for sparklers, but secretly we know he wanted to and if we would have all turned out backs for a second he would have joined in (or if a cute teenager girl said it was cool.... enough said) Then it was time for the real pyrotechnics to start!

We had the Accessories teach the minions how to light the fireworks so that we could relax, sit back in our chairs and watch the show. Oh and the commentary! Not only did we ohhh and ahhh as appropriate but we also got to yell at Minions and Accessories alike as we told them "how to do it right." All without once moving from our seat. Unfortunately for the Accessories, they had to move from their seats. This happened when we realized the fireworks were a little too close to our cars for comfort- in fact way to close and the more the Minions helped the closer the fireworks seemed to get! The end result was the moms were treated to a car show as well as the firework extravaganza. 

The show lasted for almost an hour and then it was time to say goodbye. iCandy, with a pouty lip, bid her farewell and The Professional hugged  everyone enthusiastically as part of  her goodbyes. Then Bitch complemented the Accessories on their show and with a pat on our back snuck away before we could see the tear in her eye and finally our dear Ringleader bid us adieu with a melancholy smile and a wave. Soon all the Monadonnas were gone as was another 4th of July.... it was a very  poignant moment or at least it would have been if I hadn't made that last part up. You see the moms actually helped Punk clean things up and left rather cheerfully knowing they all had a fun filled  night, but wheres the drama in that?

*  Well maybe we shouldn't say the Accessories blew "up" the mail boxes - it was more a blow out and open... and yes most of the mailbox is still standing.

Bunco

Have you heard of Bunco - that friendly game of dice played by moms everywhere? If so, do you think it’s just a game? Well it’s not! It’s girl’s night out with attitude! Think about it, an excuse to get out at least once a month with 12 of your girlfriends and party hardy until the sun comes up or, to be somewhat more realistic, until the hostess kicks you out.

Bunco also teaches you important life skills such as how to fluster someone, perform Voodoo, swear like a sailor, and that luck pays (possibly up to $50 depending on how lucky you are that night.)

The Momadonnas Bunco group also likes to do more together than just role the dice, so for this last get-together they went to the movie Magic Mike. Now as any girl knows the more the better and when I say more I’m talking about BOTH more of the Magic Mike Men and more Momadonna Girlfriends! So on this particular night there were 14 of us moms at the movie and for those who are counting, yes that is more girls than the Bunco group can account for. Then again, we are talking Magic Mike here. This has to be the best girls night out movie ever! The movie is such a tease * that our girls comfortably jeered and cheered at it while threatening to stand up and throw money at the screen (for those who don’t know it’s a male stripper movie so throwing money would have been perfectly acceptable and if not, then getting kicked out also would have been fine. Of course in a theater of 200+ rowdy women those poor little ushers didn’t stand a chance) So we printed up our money and we were ready to roll!

All and all we moms do so enjoy our Bunco nights and at the end of the night only one question remains - Why, oh why, isn’t Magic Mike in 3D?!?!

The End?

You may have noticed the Momadonnas articles have not been coming out as often as they used to, and I have to admit that as the author I have noticed this too.  So I asked myself what’s happening? I also answered myself (as you have to when talking to yourself) and I have to admit was a bit surprised by my own answer: I was just not feeling it.

So is this the end? Are we now going to evolve into the X-moms? Can you see us now - Superheroes like X-men but less manly, more momly, but still looking great in spandex.  NO- Silly of course we are not stopping! No, No, No acting as Momadonnas is our way of life! Besides we have too many wild adventures to stop being us, and what would we do without out our traveling lip balm? We are what The Professional calls “Forever Friends”.  Wherever life takes us we will always be friends and even if one of us were to move away, we would never totally lose touch! We are the kind of friends who after ten years run into each other at the mall and are right back where they left off as if the time in-between had never occurred. The Momdonnas love each other and as they say "the proof is in the pie" *

The end result is I have decided to write again. I figure someone has to tell our friends what we are up to. I also think a page dedicated to the Momprom is a necessity because if we didn’t share that event I’m fairly sure the world as we know it may cease to exist….

See. Told you so.

*What- people don’t say “the proof is in the pie”? Well they should then shouldn’t they besides it was a chocolate pie....

Happy Mothers-Day 2012!!!

A young boy said to his mother, 'How old were you when I was born?' His mother replied, '23.' 'Wow, that's a lot of time we missed spending together.'

Slumber Parties

Public Service Announcement: I would like to inform our readers that the moms are now into throwing slumber parties. Now I’m not talking about the kind where a group of women get together and buy “adult toys” like they would Tupperware. (Although we did have one of those parties recently and for anyone who’s curious including iCandy – No, there is no sleeping involved.)

The kind of slumber parties we are talking about are real deal where Minions cause havoc all night long and moms have an excuse to throw pillows at each other. These parties can be FUN for all ages and why not! The Minions aren’t the only ones that know how to have fun. We moms have been practicing for years.* Why not use those skills!

During our last slumber party we re-discovered a few party essentials such as where to hide your drinks, truth or dare, and floats. Yes floats! However, our floats aren’t the run of the mill root beer flavored ones. Oh no, most definitely not! We moms used wine. We took a scoop of rich chocolate ice cream placed it in a cup and poured in one of our favorite red wines. It didn’t look like much but after some serious double dog dares we ALL gave it a try. The result was amazing we all had to agree that it was much better than it looked! In fact the result was actually quite tasty resembling some of the chocolate dessert wines you can buy… not that we were able to finish off the whole drink, but all and all it turned out to be a successful experiment.
Another thing we re-discovered at the slumber party was that those mischievous games you play at sleepover’s still work on adults! Yes indeed, get out your markers girls (the ones that wash off with water please) and watch the mayhem ensue. The end result for was… well… I guess you will just have to see it for yourself:
Yep enough said or viewed as the case may be.

* Notice when talking about our childhood, the Momadonnas carefully omit any reference as to exactly how many years…

Smoking Hot Bitch

The Momadonnas seem to love bets, there was the week without cheese and the bikini dinner just to name a few, but this time they have a realistic worthwhile bet – Bitch is quitting smoking! She has decided to quit smoking for a month and maybe longer (we are crossing our fingers on this one). Unfortunately we are all also waiting for the explosion! This is because Bitch has decided there is only one way to stop smoking and that is cold turkey! Very cold turkey indeed! This turkey is so cold it’s frozen. She said I’m done and that was that. She just quit. The Moms, however, don’t think it’s as easy as she is making it out to be. So, just in case, we have the Bitch Support Structure securely in place. We have Ringleader leading the way with her daily dose of love and support. The Professional is there with her consummate knowledge, skills, and encouragement. Then there is Punk -she offered to quit smoking with Bitch, which is a very nice gesture, but since she doesn’t smoke (and never has) we’re not sure how much help or understanding she can supply. Of course it could be she just wants a patch – think of it, Punk bouncing off the walls like a 5 year old on sugar. Um… hum...well now... I guess that could be interesting. Not that there are any patches to give her because as you know when Bitch quits she just quits so "Patches, we don’t need no stinking patches."* Well, at least for now. You have to be careful what ideas you give the Moms, sometimes those ideas comes back to haunt you.


*It is a quote from Blazing Saddles (A Punk Movie) which in turn misquotes The Treasure of the Sierra Madre and of course we misquote even the Blazing Saddles line by using Patches for Badges. Oh yes, you were just part of a Momadonna Movie History Lesson!