Wax Job

So as you know I’m into new things like riding bulls and eating real people food… well I’m ready to add to the list. Now the Momadonnas are beautiful women, but all that beauty requires some sacrifice. One mom exercises, another dies her hair and a third eats well but they all have one thing in common: They wax their brows. That’s where I come in. I am a plucker, no no I said plucker you know PPPLLLLUUUCCKER with a “PL” geeze anyway I decided to get all sexy like the girls and wax those brows into shape.

First, I was told I had to grow them out for a month. A whole month! Of course I could not hide in my house all month (I tried really I did) so after some trial and error I found the next best thing - bangs. Bangs work wonders for hiding brows and when short they don’t even get into your eyes! Huh, who knew? The second thing I did was practice my screams. I had heard this experience would hurt and I had to make it sound good. Unfortunately, I don’t think the other Momadonnas appreciated my efforts. Could it be the late night scream calls? Third, I had to make the choice of where to go. This is the most important step of all. We have one LL who had her wax job and one came out bigger than the other and WE COULD ALL TELL!! Now no one should ever have to go through that! So I decided to be logical and go to Bitches girl, Tao (pronounced “Taow” like “wow”). This is important because it rhymes and I could tell everyone “Tao waxed my brow.” Oh but in that important decision making process I forgot to mention that Tao also rhymes with ow - oops.

When the time came, Bitch offered to go in with me and hold my hand but I said “no I will be brave”. Then Tao laid me down and got to work. Guess what? It was not that bad at all. I even forgot to scream! Not to downplay the experience because yes it hurt but only for a second and then my face felt kind of numb. Driving home I felt like a million bucks. I smiled at strangers proud of what I had done. Once I got home I rushed upstairs to show my accessory my new look. The first thing out of his mouth (after the laughing) was “got waxed there did yah?” You see it turns out I had swollen up a bit and looked as though I had inadvertently put bright red blush across my eyes and brow. I guess you should not show off how sexy you are while you are swollen and red…and then it got worse. We had a dinner date and I had to go out in public looking like this. So, I had my accessory give me a soft slap on my cheeks so I was red all over then we went out.

In the end all I could think of was one word: Brazilian…..oooowwwww not goin’ there!