Welcome to the Monster Ball!

Momadonnas go to the Lady Gaga Concert

For their birthdays the Momadonnas went to the Lady Gaga Concert in Salt Lake. The Momadonnas had a wonderful night full of VIP treatment and partying galore. VIP: MOMADONNAS ONLY!

First they found their balcony seats were more then the secluded seats they had expected THEY WERE DANCE READY!!!! The Momadonnas had reserved a roped off section of cement 6 foot wide by 18 foot long.

Momadonna Dance Floor!
They were given cushioned, folding, chairs to sit on that could be moved! Yes Moved! So when concert started they pushed the chairs back and quickly found they could dance the night away with room to spare. It was a perfect concert for our dancing girls!
Dance Dance Momadonnas!

Momadonnas VIP dancing at Lady Gaga!

Momadonna's Birthday Lip Balm

Lip Balm!

What is the gift that keeps on giving? Lip balm…yes Lip balm.

It all started when Punk stumbled across the perfect Christmas gift. So off she went to order it .....and what was it you ask? Lip balm! Not just any lip balm but Momadonna brand. She had found a company that would put the Momadonnas Logo on the lip balm for her. Now Punk knew the minimum order of 100 would be a bit much but she figured if she got two different flavors it would help. Yum! So she ordered passion fruit (because the name is awesome) and mint figuring that by doing so she would cover everyone’s taste. Unfortunately, she did not read the fine print. Remember that 100 minimum? Well, you see, it’s per flavor NOT per order. Oops! She was sent 200 lip balms and you know what that means… Yes the Momadonnas got lip balm for both Christmas and their birthdays. It looks like they will be also be getting lip balm for Mothersday, Easter and the next twelve holidays she can find….

So does anyone have dry lips?

Mom and Me - The Eternal Struggle

As a mom, do you ever feel like it's all about the kids. We do everything for them. We were put here on this earth to be their mothers. We work 24/7 being Mom. We don't get sick days. We keep the house orderly. We prepare the meals (for those of us that can cook anyways). We make sure the kids get their homework assignments finished. We get into a routine in which every decision we make revolves around the kids and their schedules. There are so many aspects of being "Mom" that sometimes, you feel like you lost yourself - the person you were before you became a Mom. The Momadonna's realize this and make it a point to make sure we remember our personal identities.

Punk and The Professional go dancing. They really like to dance. All the Momadonna's like to dance in fact, but these two LIKE LIKE to dance (the meaning of "Like Like" will be explained another time).

Bitch escapes by going to school to be a nurse. She also religiously makes mani/pedi appointments. Once in a great while, a special treat, all the Momadonna's get away by having a spa day!

The Ringleader in particular was tired of feeling like she was "just" a mom. To combat this feeling, she took up running. She uses running to get out of the house, and be...herself. Last year she and her Accessory started doing Ragnar Relay Races-overnight races. Ringleader must enlist in the help of her family, as well as the other Momadonna's, to help her with the children so that she can do these races - without the kids.

Recently, Ringleader and her Accessory were "stranded" in paradise. They flew to Miami and ran (yes ran) 197 miles to Key West. They got stranded. Really! All flights were cancelled and they were stuck there - without kids - for an entire seven days! Now while this may seem enjoyable, and OH IT WAS (ask Ringleader), she very quickly realized that she missed her "Mom" role. She wanted her kids - she was done "not" being mom.

The Momadonna's feel it's very important and very healthy to remember that while we may do everything for our kids, and while we may be referred to as "so and so's mom" more often than to our own names, MOM'S NEED THEIR TIME too! Demand a balance in your life and devote at least .1% of your time to doing something that is just for you because we all know that the other 99.9% goes to being a mom. Do it. You will be a happier mom for it! - Just don't step out of the role for to long, or you may really start to miss what made you a Mom in the first place.

Bikini Dinner

So we lost a bet…. Not just any bet but one with the Accessories and now not only do we have to capitalize their names in the blog, but we also have to cook them dinner in our bikinis.

It all started when The Professional and Punk had a night out with a few of the Accessories. After a nice dinner they decided to hit a local pub. Unfortunately, when they entered the pub there wasn’t any music playing. This blocked their intended goal of dancing, so they had to come up with another activity to occupy themselves. Meet the Pool Table! The girls decided to play pool…well something like that. I don’t think we can call what Punk did actually playing pool. Not that she didn’t do something on a pool table where she hit the balls and someone yelled scratch, but I don’t think it qualifies as pool. However, playing pool was their intent.

Just to make things interesting an Accessory suggested a little wager. The girls should have known better, before they knew it they had lost the first bet and were in debt one winter car wash. Not satisfied with this little win the Accessories offered to let the Moms attempt a come back. So together they made the bet double or nothing with the losers giving the winners a nice dinner cooked and eaten ALL while in bikinis. At this juncture I want to stop and point out not even cheating could help the moms (Please don’t worry the girls made the cheating very obvious. It was as if they were just daring the Accessories to say no… which they didn’t). The end result was the Moms were soundly defeated. This is possibly due to Punks new scratching technique that includes not only losing the little white ball, but also causing other balls to fly off the table and across the dance floor. On the bright side, at least Punk was able to get on the dance floor
while chasing those balls….

The Accessories, secure in their victory, went on to make a few suggestions for the bikini dinner. Maybe the Moms should cook some pan-fried food like bacon? Oh, the Accessories think they are clever don’t they? Well we will see….yes, we will see.

Naughty Night

Ever have the urge to be naughty? The Momadonnas do. Frequently in fact. Now, some of you may be wondering what we mean by "naughty". Well, what do you think we mean? Haha, well each of the Momadonnas have a different meaning but, one thing for sure, we all like to be naughty together. I wont go into details, okay, maybe I will, but naughty night consists of things the Momadonna's usually wouldn't do.

For some, being "naughty" means to go over on their Weight Watchers points. Naughty night would consist of wine, lots of wine, and a ton of really greasy food with all disrespect for point calculations.

For others, it could mean snuggling on the couch with a heated blanket, a glass of wine, and nice warm weenie...named Lilly.For others, naughty night means weight lifting a magnum of wine while looking at the treadmill thinking "I should get on that the treadmill".And for some, they are simply looking forward to the punishment from "disobedient, mischievous, improper, indecent behavior" (this is the actual dictionary definition of naughty by the way) that being naughty brings...while drinking wine.Hmmm, has anyone else noticed that wine is a common factor in all things naughty?!? I think I should go post this article on Facepoke.

WHAT? Face POKE? Okay, but only if it makes me Twitter.

Trampolines

Trampolines are an adventure just waiting to happen. There are no official rules other than the manufacturer’s warning not to exceed 200 pounds. There is nothing telling you how high you can jump, what tricks you can do, or how old you need to be. You can play on a trampoline at any age! Although, we’re sure it is not recommended for most ages. This is because there is always someone getting hurt. The problem is that when an adult gets hurt, it is also funny. The Momadonnas all agree that without trampolines, America’s Funniest Videos would go out of business! Therefore, adults are always encouraged to jump even if it is against their better judgment.

As moms and adults, we found ourselves asking about these non-existent rules. Surely we should have some if only to use against the Minions later. So we “jumped” into the rule making process. As we “bounced” ideas off of each other we “tumbled” across one question that we felt had never been answered to our satisfaction and as budding scientists we thought we would address it. It was the universal question of how many so called “adults” you can have on a trampoline at one time. We compiled the data, completed the calculations, and after careful consideration we have come up with an answer: ZERO
Yes, the number of adults you can have on a trampoline at any one time is zero. If you are willing to disregard our conclusion then we recommend that you do not exceed 1 ½ -2 adults. Anything beyond this could result in something breaking, for us it was the trampoline. It turns out that 200 lb weight limit was there for a reason. Who knew? Think human taco with Momadonna filling. Ah yes the things we do for science…

Multiple Personalities

Sometimes the person you think you are is NOT what other people see, or maybe it’s just your photo ID?

One morning last week The Professional called Punk with an interesting story. She had been buying groceries (what kind of groceries she bought is NOT the interesting part although in certain parts of the country it could be) and when The Professional went to pay for said groceries the cashier asked for her credit card and ID. After careful review, the cashier proceeded to tell The Professional that the ID and credit card did not match. Well, The Professional is used to this and has had similar questions before due to her last name being hyphenated (yes, she has one of those names…she is The Professional after all). She carefully explained her name situation to the cashier who just looked at her blankly. The more The Professional explained, the more daunting the cashiers look became. Finally, he said “NO the names do not match” and handed the ID and credit card back to The Professional. Looking at both closely she found she had to agree with him for smiling up at her was PUNK.
She had Punks ID.
Punk, listening to this story, stopped and checked her wallet. Sure enough, she had The Professional’s ID! How had this happened? Rewind to the prior weekend. The girls had gone dancing at a “21 and older” club, so the club hostess had checked their ID’s (which is considered a complement to anyone who has been 26 for over 10 years as ALL of the Momadonnas have). The hostess must have handed the girls back the wrong IDs! Not that it is entirely the Clubs fault, for both Punk and The Professional had ample time to notice this discrepancy as they moved their ID into their wallets and purses over the next few days. Who knows how long they would have had gone on being each other if the cashier had not checked! The girls consider themselves very lucky because with the way The Professional gets speeding tickets, it’s a good bet they would have found out about the ID switch in a BAD way!

Texting Tribulation

Momadonnas are very busy. We are always running around in 12 different directions, so keeping in touch can be difficult. We find texting helps. However, as Bitch learned, if not used properly, texting can also cause problems.

Bitch, in addition to texting the Momadonnas, loves to text her Accessory. One day she decided to text him one of those private texts. You know the ones – the ones that make you lift your eyebrow and say "naughty, naughty," while wagging your index finger back and forth. Anyway, Bitch felt she had composed a rather nice little text sure to make anyone blush and sent it off to her Accessory. She just knew he would enjoy it. Unfortunately, he didn't respond. She waited and waited, still nothing! So she called him “Hey, didn’t you like my text?” and his reply “What text?”

OH NO!

Bitch pulled up her phones history and found she had not sent the text to her Accessory… Dum Dum Dum (that’s the dreaded drum roll). She had sent it instead to The Professional!

Now imagine The Professional’s surprise as she read the extent of Bitches feelings for her. I’m sure she was very flattered that Bitch cared for her that much and was ready to let her down gently when Bitch called. Because of course Bitch did call. You see Bitch knew that being The Professional entitles you to some respectability, so she felt a little embarrassed (but not as embarrassed as she would have been if she had sent that photo…). Yes, Bitch called and apologized. The Professional, being rather relieved, graciously accepted. The other girls? Now what they did with this information is a different story all together.

Poor Bitch. For weeks on end she was sent naughty texts and not quite respectable photos from the other Momadonnas. Of course we thought we were very helpful and we have noticed Bitch definitely double checks her texts before she sends them now!

Helping Moms

Some moms find it easy to ask for help. Others hesitate because they don’t want to be a burden. Still other moms will hold out until they have a whopper of a favor to ask for. Then there are the moms who don’t even know they need the help.

How can you help a friend who doesn’t know she needs the help? Well you’ve come to the right place! Momadonnas love to help the unknowing and here are a few ideas that we are willing to share:

Feed their pets........

Help them pack (especially when it’s a tropical vacation).......
Cheer them on.......
Take care of their children (well, try to)......

Momadonna Makeover

Whenever the moms get together something happens and it’s always a surprise, especially to us. Just the other day we had a birthday party for Bitch’s Accessory. You remember the one, he didn’t like being 37? This was doubly true when Bitch was done with him. She would tell everyone including strangers: “This is my boyfriend. He is 5 years older than me. He is 37.” Well, for his birthday we were going out. So the Momadonnas decided to get together and finalize their action plan for the evening.

Upon reaching Ringleaders house, Bitch declared, “I’m taking a shower.” Now this isn’t something you would hear everyday, but it happens to be common when Bitch is involved, so Ringleader handed her a towel as Bitch was busy explaining how she was saving time by taking a shower AT Ringleaders house. So Bitch took a shower right then and there. When she was all clean and shiny she came out to the kitchen and pulled out what can only be described as a bag of magic. It was full of mom toys and infinite possibilities (ok it was full of makeup).

Slowly she pulled out her supplies and stacked them on the counter. Picture the grand Thanksgiving feast your grandma used to make but with makeup instead of food spread across the table. As far as the eye can see were shades of reds, blues, browns and greens. The other moms took turns oohing and ahhing as Bitch worked her magic. Then suddenly Bitch looked up from her own prepping and said, “Want me to do you up?”

As you know, no one can say no to Bitch, so before you could blink she had Punk and Ringleader sitting down getting re-vamped. This not only included make up – oh no! There was eyebrow plucking and wine as well. Thinking back it may have been the wine that started it and not really Bitch at all. After Bitch poked and prodded the other moms for an hour, they were deemed presentable and therefore ready for the party. Nothing like a new look to give you attitude! The Accessories didn’t even mind…of course they don’t notice either.

New Year 2011

The Momadonnas decided to have a quiet and relaxing New Year Celebration for 2011….We failed.

The plan was to stay home, relax, eat hors d’oeuvres, and watch a movie. The Professional won (well maybe lost) the coin toss; so we converged on her house New Years Eve. The party started mellow enough with the Minions locked in the basement and the adults snacking in the kitchen. Then the ipods came out (as they ALWAYS do). From that point forward our plans went straight out the window. The kitchen was converted into a dance club and the real festivities began. However, we forgot the kitchen was also where the hors d’oeuvres were baking and soon we were all hot (well… we were already “hot” but this time it was physically not just mentally). Luckily, Ringleader had the idea of opening the back door. As cool air washed in, the dancing migrated to the back porch. This must have made an impression on the neighbors because suddenly a loud “woo hoo” filled the air. There was mass hysteria as bodies dove through the door into the house. Then as the initial shock wore off, The Momadonnas (never ones to let their fans down) migrated back towards the door. There was some discussion about showing the neighbors the Accessory’s “moon” and if it weren’t for the fly swatter incident and The Professional’s desire to maintain a little respectability, we may very well have.

Oh, so you want to know about the fly swatter? Too bad. There are some things that don’t ever need to be in print. Lets just say that it does make a rather loud slapping sound when it hits your rear….

The end result is we all made it to midnight, well maybe 11:15, but we did wake up enough to toast in the new year!

From One Mother to Another, Seasons Greetings and Happiest of Holidays.

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the hood
The moms were all stirring, as they knew they should.
The stockings were hung and now needed filling,
The moms snuck out of their rooms with Accessories willing.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While moms and Accessories used their heads,
To build that bike, that castle, that doll.
Up till 3:30 trying to build it all!

When suddenly out of nowhere there arose such a clatter,
Parents sprang into action - what was the matter?
Had one of the Minions accidentally woke up?
No, its nothing, they’d tipped Santa’s cup.

Cleaning up spilt milk like a flash,
They finish Santa duties in a mad dash.
Then back to their beds for some well-deserved sleep,
For an hour or two until they hear the Minions creep.

They are out of bed and ready to play!
The Minions are excited for it’s Christmas day!

Your mission if you choose to accept it is Dancing...again

The Momadonnas are on a mission. We are looking for the perfect dance experience and no, dancing in our basements doesn’t count. In order to accomplish this we have set a goal to try every dance club we can find until we are satisfied. So far we have tried four clubs …this took us three years so don’t hold your breath. However, in the process of accomplishing our goal we have learned a lot and as you know Momadonnas love to share…
 


Last Saturday we discovered the difference between dancing with the top 40 crowd (aka the “younger” crowd) and people our own age (the “older” crowd). It started when Punk and The Professional put on their largest fake wedding rings and headed for a new club. (The rings are for their protection – The theory is that after a man buys a mom a drink they will notice the big shiny ring and maybe, just maybe they will leave her alone after). Well the first thing the Moms noticed at the club was the size of the crowd. When the Momadonnas go to a “younger” club the place is empty until at least 10 pm (so empty it has been known to echo when they talk- just ask LLs Heather and Maria). This “older” club they went to was totally full by 9 pm and emptying by 11. Is that because at our age we should be in bed by 10? Hmmm …..I’m afraid that may be true, but we probably shouldn’t admit it.



There were other differences as well. At the “older” club there was a live band playing music, not just a DJ. At one point The Professional actually looked at Punk and said, “Do we know how to dance to this?” Of course we do – Momadonnas can dance to anything and usually do. Another difference we noticed was the clientele. It’s not just that they are older but they behave differently too. Take the cowboy that bought us a drink. We mouthed our thanks across the bar to him but didn’t give him any encouragement. Not ten minutes later we looked up and noticed he was already making out with another girl. We were very impressed. These “older” club patrons obviously know how to get things done!

Thinking of the Holidays.....

I was looking through last Christmas’s photos when I ran across the one above. This picture serves to remind me of why we have the Momadonnas. Its not just because we have things in common (we ARE all moms…), or because we have lots of fun together, and no it’s not even because the Minions like to hang out with each other. The reason is Friendship! We care deeply about each other and will always be there for each other. There have been numerous times when the moms where there for me, the unexpected surgery, the death of a loved one, the overwhelming need to go dancing. I always have my girls and they should know by now they will always have me. Thank you!

How to make work fun

Lately, as the days get dark and cold, the Momadonnas have been wondering how to make work more bearable. What can you do to get that little spark at work that makes it all worth while? Well, we have not come up with the perfect answer yet, but here are a few suggestions:

Our dear Ringleader suggests sleeping with the boss. Of course this doesn’t work for everyone, especially if you are not married to the boss as the Ringleader is. It also could cause some difficulties when your nick name becomes sexretary. Ringleader also pointed out that when working for family you CAN’T call in sick. If you do, don’t plan on posting your days activities on facebook and you better be home when the chicken noodle soup gets delivered by your mother-in-law (AKA Big Boss). These rules, however, do not apply when said “Big Boss” asks you to go shopping with her. Then of course, you have to explain to “boss” why you spent your (and sometimes his) day’s earnings.

Punk creates nicknames for everything and then makes it into a joke. She thinks it is much easier to laugh off something than let it irritate you. However, if she says the weather is “clear ” it may have nothing to do with the storm raging outside and everything to do with her clientele. This also keeps those around her happy. Who wants to work with someone who is all work and no play….lets get some personality showing! Of course when her jokes start at 6 am they can get a bit interesting…

The Professional suggests lots of coffee. Yes, lots and lots of coffee. She also suggests a lunch date once a week or so. It is soooo nice to have something to look forward to and although you can have a nice meaningful conversation during work hours those same conversations are much more stimulating at lunch. That’s when you can really say what you want too and not feel guilty about it. Finally, she says: Prospective. Sometimes talking to others makes you realize how good life can be, unfortunately, it helps you realize how bad as well. So look inside and enjoy the moment. It can feel good to be grateful for where you are.

Then there’s Bitch. Her answer is to call in sick, but watch those tan lines girls!

Never call at midnight

Momadonnas support each other unconditionally – no matter what time of day or night we are at each other’s beck and call. Of course, we also have a wicked sense of humor which can lead to trouble…

One night Bitch called just before midnight. She was ecstatic, her Accessory had just proposed.* Well maybe proposed is too strong a word. They had been playing an aggressive game of Truth or Dare when after a triple dog dare they were making the choice of getting married or being called chicken. They decide to go with the getting married option because no one can bear to be known as “a chicken.” They picked a date and proceeded to call their friends. They had to do it that very night because the date they picked was less than two months away! Why so soon? Because for some reason it was very important to get married before Bitch’s Accessory turns 37. You ask just what happens at this magical age of 37? Well after a through investigation we discovered that at 37 NOTHING changes for a person - as far as we can tell it’s just this Accessory’s new personal phobia (we love him but he does have quite a few).

At this point I will mention they made two mistakes:

(1) Inviting Patron (the tequila) to dinner.
(2) Calling Punk.

Punk said she didn’t believe them and the only way to prove it was to make it public…very public. She had them put it on Facebook. Not that many people are using Facebook at midnight but the next morning, boy howdy, were there a few surprised folks including Bitch and her Fiancé. Unfortunately, after some sober reflection they decided to break off the engagement. The Facebook messages were deleted and they openly admitted it might be safer to make those kinds of decisions in broad daylight (not that we believe they will).

And what does Bitch have to say for her self? “Thank goodness I wasn’t in Las Vegas.” Yes, that would have given this story a whole different ending...


*Please note: This was a second proposal – The last time was a few months ago after Bitch let out a particularly awesome burp.

Wax Job

So as you know I’m into new things like riding bulls and eating real people food… well I’m ready to add to the list. Now the Momadonnas are beautiful women, but all that beauty requires some sacrifice. One mom exercises, another dies her hair and a third eats well but they all have one thing in common: They wax their brows. That’s where I come in. I am a plucker, no no I said plucker you know PPPLLLLUUUCCKER with a “PL” geeze anyway I decided to get all sexy like the girls and wax those brows into shape.

First, I was told I had to grow them out for a month. A whole month! Of course I could not hide in my house all month (I tried really I did) so after some trial and error I found the next best thing - bangs. Bangs work wonders for hiding brows and when short they don’t even get into your eyes! Huh, who knew? The second thing I did was practice my screams. I had heard this experience would hurt and I had to make it sound good. Unfortunately, I don’t think the other Momadonnas appreciated my efforts. Could it be the late night scream calls? Third, I had to make the choice of where to go. This is the most important step of all. We have one LL who had her wax job and one came out bigger than the other and WE COULD ALL TELL!! Now no one should ever have to go through that! So I decided to be logical and go to Bitches girl, Tao (pronounced “Taow” like “wow”). This is important because it rhymes and I could tell everyone “Tao waxed my brow.” Oh but in that important decision making process I forgot to mention that Tao also rhymes with ow - oops.

When the time came, Bitch offered to go in with me and hold my hand but I said “no I will be brave”. Then Tao laid me down and got to work. Guess what? It was not that bad at all. I even forgot to scream! Not to downplay the experience because yes it hurt but only for a second and then my face felt kind of numb. Driving home I felt like a million bucks. I smiled at strangers proud of what I had done. Once I got home I rushed upstairs to show my accessory my new look. The first thing out of his mouth (after the laughing) was “got waxed there did yah?” You see it turns out I had swollen up a bit and looked as though I had inadvertently put bright red blush across my eyes and brow. I guess you should not show off how sexy you are while you are swollen and red…and then it got worse. We had a dinner date and I had to go out in public looking like this. So, I had my accessory give me a soft slap on my cheeks so I was red all over then we went out.

In the end all I could think of was one word: Brazilian…..oooowwwww not goin’ there!

The Commercial

It was inevitable; everyone knew it would happen eventually - Hollywood came knocking. Well not exactly Hollywood, but a producer. A real producer (we know we checked his resume) and he asked if the Momadonnas wanted to be in a commercial. Honest! They specifically asked for the Momadonnas and of course we immediately agreed. We didn’t even ask what the commercial was for. Imagine our great relief when we discovered it was for a Timeshare and not some personal hygiene product.

The Momadonnas know almost nothing about Timeshares, but we knew we were the perfect choice for this commercial. Face it, we know we are the perfect choice for ANY commercial! Rest assured that if there were any doubts as to our being a good choice for this commercial, we would immediately make up a reason why we were not only a good choice but the ONLY choice. Who better in front of a camera than a Momadonna? We are just such naturals at being ourselves and we can wing it sooo well, our minions still believe we actually have hidden eyes in the back of our heads! Oh and besides all that, we're hot (just ask us we’ll tell you – and for any of you other moms out there, Rule #5 of mom-hood is always proclaim your hotness, for if you don’t say you’re hot who will?) Being a self-proclaimed hottie should be reason enough to put anyone in a commercial…shouldn't it?

As for the whole filming process it wasn’t bad at all. As the mom was being filmed she positively glowed. Of course it could be the guy with the light reflector aimed at her face, but it was a glow none the less. Then we were asked to repeat the same line over and over again. Of course every time the producer asked to do a re-take the mom yelled "YES YES YES!" You see to us a “do over” is a compliment -"You there film us some more!" We felt very good about this process and even had a large crowd of three people stop to watch us in action! The end result was a resounding success…well we think so, the producer hasn’t talked to us since.

Happy Birthday The Professional!

A Momadonna birthday party is a difficult affair, especially if you don’t want the mom-of-honor to know about it. As you may have guessed, this year for The Professional’s birthday we decided to throw her a surprise party! Not that a surprise party is all that unusual for a Momadonna. All of our parties are sort of a surprise. No one knows who will show up or what will happen. Half the time we are surprised to find out we are even having a party. Like our Minions, our parties like to start small and innocent then grow, grow, GROW! So I guess you could say all of our parties are surprise parties, but this one was a little more special because we actually planned on it being a “surprise party”. We even yelled "surprise!" when The Professional walked in (which, by the way, is a dead give away that it’s a surprise party).

This year, with the help of a few Accessories, we introduced Karaoke to our parties. After all, a girl can't "just" dance ALL the time. Well, actually she could but this shakes things up a bit. Karaoke can be SCARY. Picture yourself in a dark room filed with loud noise and strangely dressed people that you may or may not know. This crowd has no problem hissing, clapping, yelling and helping you with your songs. Some of the group we hang with will not only help you sing but also make up the words as they go…no, I will not go into details on this as it makes Punk blush and some things are better left unsaid, or unsung as the case may be. Either way, Karaoke seems to be a hit. Some of the moms are great singers like Ringleader and The Professional, whereas others have to be dragged to the microphone (usually over an Accessories shoulder) like Punk. No matter what method is used, the end result is always the same, everyone has fun.

We continue to have fun until its time to say goodbye, usually about the same time we discover our sexy voices. Sexy voices are almost always discovered after singing or yelling for an extended amount of time, and we do lots of both! The Professional and Ringleader were both hoarse by the time the party wound down. That is a good thing, for as any man will tell you, a deep, husky voiced woman makes a big impression. Yes, a big impression…unfortunately not always a good one.

Halloween and Firemen go hand in hand!

Halloween is a good time for the Momadonna's to get together and get their priorities straight. Sometimes in the rush of day-to-day life we forget what our top priorities are. For Halloween they are:

(1) Have fun
(2) Use our imagination
(3) Steal a bunch of the minions candy!

So, you ask what does a Momadonna Halloween look like? Is it scary? -Well sometimes. Is it sexy? -Definitely! However the best word to describe a Momadonna Halloween is chaos.

There is so much going on this time of year and we mom's are tossed about in a wild storm of parties, costumes, families and tattoos. It is total chaos and we thrive on it! Momadonna's are the chaos experts. Just look at the definition from Webster's dictionary: “Chaos – a state of utter confusion or disorder that anyone with children experiences twice a day.” OK maybe I edited that a little, but admitting chaos is an all day experience in the life of a mom, may scare some people away from having children. Since I know a few expecting mothers, I will tone it down a bit…for now. As for the Momadonna's, I estimate we each have a minimum of three Halloween parties to go to. Although a few of those parties are our own fault. We have been known to throw a party just because we need to get some use out of that costume we made/purchased. So usually we spend Halloween eating, drinking, and dancing. This year was a bit different. This year we spent it eating, drinking, dancing and hanging out with the firemen. Well at least Ringleader did.
Ringleader volunteered to help the grade school put on a Halloween party for the fifth grade. To set the Halloween mood, she and the other LL's brought in a fog machine, spooky music and a ton of decorations. All was going as planned. The room was smoky and creepy and the minions were really feeling the Halloween spirit. What better way to "scare" the minions (and the teachers) then have a fire drill (completely unplanned) in the middle of their Halloween party! Yay entire school evacuation! Thirty minutes into the drill, the fire trucks showed up. What fun! There's that word "chaos" again.

Apparently fog machines cause smoke detectors to go off, causing the school to be evacuated, causing the fire department to come. Huh, who knew? Well, at least the Minions had fun running amok in their costumes! These mom’s know how to bring the house down and give the kids a Halloween party they will never forget! Unfortunately neither shall the school’s Principal. You should have seen her face when Ringleader and another LL had to go "claim" the contraband that the fireman confiscated. We are still waiting to see if Momadonna's are going to be allowed back in the school.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

It's that time of year again: Time to take that special lady out to dinner and buy her flowers. Yes, it’s a Momadonna anniversary and this year it’s a Bitch. Four years ago on Halloween, Bitch adopted me,thereby acquiring the last component necessary to start the Momadonnas. Of course, we didn’t call ourselves Momadonnas back then. We were just a group of moms having fun. (We didn’t have a clue what we had started.)

My own induction into the group was as out of character for me as possible. You see, it turns out I’m a house potato. A house potato is similar to a couch potato but mashed and served with butter. Instead of being in front of a TV all the time, I was in my house all the time. You know the type - I’m the neighbor that you wave at as you drive past, but not the one you invite to a barbecue. To this day I’m not sure my neighbors even know my name. However, things were about to change.

It was Halloween, and after an aggressive game of rock-paper-scissors (I won of course), I was awarded the right to take our Minion out trick-or-treating. Things didn’t go as planed. As we walked those cold dark streets, we heard a whisper on the wind, “mini punk…miniii pppuuunnnkk…!” Frightened we prepared to bolt when suddenly, out of the darkness, came the source of the haunting call - another Minion! She was out trick-or-treating with her mom and had recognized my daughter.

This was the beginning of the best adventure I didn’t know I was looking for. This was when I met the woman who would change my life and make me use the word Bitch in public. Bitch was so easy to talk to, that I immediately felt comfortable with her. When she offered to let us walk with them - in fact, demanded we do so, I did not even hesitate to agree. She even offered to protect us from the ghosts and the other ghouls of the night by bringing her very big dog with us. Before I knew it, we were sharing secrets and planning slumber parties…ok so the kids were. We moms were planning sleeping-in parties. The result was the beginning of a successful relationship.

I asked Bitch once why she did it. Why did she decide to let me into her life? She said she is just a good judge of character. For this I am grateful. I could never be Punk without my Momadonnas!

You might be a Momadonna if.....

When you tell some one you are "on the same page" it means you are actually reading with your children this time.

You might be a Momadonna if….

You invite all your friends to an outdoor BBQ in the dead of winter.

You might be a Momadonna if....

You argue that dancing should replace baseball as our national pastime.

You might be a Momadonna if….

You say you “think out of the box” because you only drink wine that comes from bottles.

Scary Movie Night Update

Update:
Ringleader made it through the night with only minimal damage. Nothing that a few sessions with The Professional can't cure.

Bitch brought "The Stranger's" as her scary movie pick. She figured if she couldn't scare Ringleader with anything "devil" related, she'd scare her with something about being home alone, with three maniacs tormenting you and scaring the living daylights out of you until you get killed. It worked. Ringleader made her stay a little while until all the doors and windows were checked, and double checked.

Luckily, there were plenty of goodies to keep Ringleader's mouth busy long enough to prevent any real screaming, until the end, but she won't go on about that. Oh and she did stop breathing, but just for half the movie. :)

You might be a momadonna if...

Whenever you hear someone yell "Bitch" you look around and smile.